lonely banshee jones

i'm bow legged and covered in hot sauce

[zoë bread @zoebread]

not being able to let things go is a symptom of having wet glue on your hands

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

On the bus asking “by show of hands, who else is sweating through their jeans right now?” Little to no response outside of a few accusations of perversion which I expertly dodged by getting off at the next stop. Marx wrote about feeling like an alien, or becoming one

[Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz]

Stores impress me so much. It's like where did you get all this. And how did you get it all in here

[Deacon Blues, MBA 🌵 @JotaroPujo]

Driving 2.5 hours to go see The Odyssey in IMAX and in the spirit of the film I will be getting lost on my way back

[Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz]

They should put more wearable tech on the referee. He should be encrusted with devices

[james hennessy @jrhennessy]

every time i turn around this dog has invented an entirely new way to sit

[Dr. Steve Cube 🇵🇸 @MildCuthbert]

People don't understand just how much later movies release in Australia. Liam Neeson is in George Street, Sydney right now promoting the Phantom Menace. He's going on Hey Hey It's Saturday! No spoilers please.

[gold star for robot boy @chasedbywasps]

beavis is actually a beautiful name. French and patrician,.most likely. regal name for a boy. butthead... no. that is crass and just frankly , unbecoming.

[lonely banshee jones @sad_boy_max]

@russiaismusty he has spoken!

[Elijah Cone @ElijahCone]

Bluey is OUT and Peppa Pig is IN at my house. As a father, I don’t want to be compared to Bandit (imaginative, ideal millennial dad). I am much more comfortable with the pace being set by Daddy Pig (slob, Brexit-coded chud).

[Peter Raleigh @PetreRaleigh]

Folks, I don't mean to boast, but last night I ate two halves of the same sandwich in two completely separate dreams

[hellogan1 @gebrauchsmusik]

When you don’t understand why there’s a [sic] it’s like okay which of the three of us is stupid

[turbomander @turbomander]

*seeing my rival knight all the way across the field of battle and guffawing* the foolish knave, he hath been shrunk by foul sorcery! *he rides towards me and gets closer and i gasp* by the king

[Jo🌺🎬 @Goldxn_Violin]

Spike lee and Hamnet. New buddy cop movie.

[LJ @suchasurfriend]

there was a kid in my middle school whose family publicly denied he was hatched from an egg even though nobody had asked about that

[🍃 @cardamomkiss]

My son, like the Mesoamericans, has independently invented the wheel from first principles but only to use as a toy. He will be cultivating maize by his twelve month checkup

[Vikram Murthi @fauxbeatpoet]

If you haven’t already seen it, please seek out Tom Noonan’s debut feature WHAT HAPPENED WAS… One of the great American independent films of the ’90s directed by one of the very best American character actors ever.

[John Frankensteiner @JFrankensteiner]

Noonan's writer/director debut “What Happened Was...” is one of the great underseen masterpieces. This monologue, man. Destroys me more and more as the years go on. Too fucking real.

R.I.P. Tom Noonan

[🏳️‍⚧️Hazel-Bee Writes a Manifesto @MukkyWaffle]

on Plundr, the pirate dating app, accidentally swiped starboard on a siren :/

[watersplasher101 @DrCameronFetter]

Jonah Hill is unrecognizable as two green iguanas with long talons together on a rock