Sam

[Sam @samcottonsays]

PSA: get your woman flowers. We like them. We never actually get them. It IS the move omfg

[Sam @samcottonsays]

Listening to couples talk in the airport makes me even more deeply grateful to be single 😘

[Sam @samcottonsays]

I wish I could give a speech about every single person I love

[Sam @samcottonsays]

@CasSleepy

[Sam @samcottonsays]

Can’t believe humans created and developed the vastness of the internet and we’re using it for emails.

[Sam @samcottonsays]

It’s funny, when I picture myself ending up with a man, I feel pretty sure I won’t have kids. But then I imagine ending up with a woman and know with near certainty that I’d have a kid and likely be the one to carry it. Bisexuality is a real rollercoaster

[Sam @samcottonsays]

@ARSHTON Rewatch commencing in 3…2…

[Sam @samcottonsays]

Don’t make me…go…on a date with you, bro

[Sam @samcottonsays]

Starting a thread of stupid shit men say on @hinge because I refuse to weather this storm alone and also I think you’ll like it, it’ll be funny

[Sam @samcottonsays]

@MaxNoPo Okay but have you seen the merch

[Sam @samcottonsays]

How is @sexeducation still SO GOOD

[Sam @samcottonsays]

You ever wanna have a nice time with your family and then you can’t because of who everyone is fundamentally?

[Sam @samcottonsays]

@MaxNoPo CHILDREN GET OLLLLDERRR

[Sam @samcottonsays]

@MaxNoPo Even just looking back on it is so cringe

[Sam @samcottonsays]

Hashtags are actually so embarrassing

[Sam @samcottonsays]

Super annoying that confidence actually IS sexy

[Sam @samcottonsays]

Brands are so close to getting it. We love to see diverse bodies in your clothes, but a size 0 and a perfect hourglass size 18 isn’t the diversity you think it is.

[Sam @samcottonsays]

The wildest thing I’ve learned from TikTok is that there are people out here spending money on paper or styrofoam plates! To use AT HOME! In this economy? In THIS environment? Delete your account

[Sam @samcottonsays]

Today I was driving with the windows down, in a cute bikini on the way to my sister’s neighborhood pool, blasting Fall Out Boy and thought GOOD GOD I’d immediately fall in love with myself if I saw me. So this will be my main character summer and I won’t be taking any questions

[Sam @samcottonsays]

@AmericanAir You’re doing great sweetie

[Sam @samcottonsays]

Another EXCELLENT trip on @AmericanAir! We’re not allowed to get off the plane 🤘We’re waiting for a different crew to land to replace the crew on this plane that has “timed out”. Totally fair, reasonable hours are important! I have also timed out, please release the hostages!

[Sam @samcottonsays]

@clay1202 @AmericanAir If only air traffic control managed customer service 😉

[Sam @samcottonsays]

@AmericanAir Bruh your team held us on the plane for 90 minutes and then refused to give us our baggage once they finally sent us off to hotels for the night. Homegirl at the desk told us that hotel shuttles stop running at midnight after letting us off the plane at 11:56pm. Boo hiss