Sam G

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@AshleyMAvila has a bling watch for the sake of being stylish. The time is wrong.

[Sam G @samgeevius]

Those moving lasers they dance through in heist movies are so stupid. Why not just use the motion detectors installed in every house, ever?

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@fishbus septuagenarian

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@MaximumDietz @DatDudeJJ24 you have 3...

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@DatDudeJJ24 the internet suffered greatly

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@weshacks http://t.co/MTZ0AqdLXr. Plans your Wesleyan academic career. Boom.

[Sam G @samgeevius]

Jersey rest stops are like little pits of hell sprinkled along I-95

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@stephenpianin they should combine and bring my dream of a McMartini to fruition

[Sam G @samgeevius]

.@DatDudeJJ24 goon squad, party of one

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@AshleyMAvila @McDonalds @ChipotleTweets @abbymros @JBdc94 I think we have to go to chipotle now...

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@JBdc94 it's also the number of grades you passed

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@JBdc94 you have more tweets than your followers times your followings

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@JBdc94 the number 1 is higher than the number of your parents that love you

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@abbymros @JBdc94 @AshleyMAvila how different would FITA have been if the sister had been taking a dump when the brother walked in instead

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@abbymros @JBdc94 now you know how it feels. He's a cyberbully... just not a very good one

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@JBdc94 yeah that's great. Like half of your tweets are about how funny mine aren't

[Sam G @samgeevius]

LinkedIn is really underutilized as a comedy platform

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@fishbus I'd star it but..you know

[Sam G @samgeevius]

@zrausche You know you don't have to sign your tweets for them to know who it's from right?

[Sam G @samgeevius]

I can't fart anymore without fear of it being a shart - @DatDudeJJ24