Sam Geloso

copywriter. hedonist.

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

stop making trauma porn. and go wash your hands.♥️

(thanks @adage)

This montage takes the piss out of pandemic montages https://t.co/ea0W85ZvLd

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

Need her now more than ever #SuperBowLX

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

Is there anything more humbling than when your own gut pushes down your underwear and you weren't even...moving

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

I'm not a pizza man. I'm a pizza, man.

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

@24hourdiners And also that it brought us together

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

My life is a romance novel written by Cormac McCarthy. I will not be elaborating. Because reading is for fuckin nerds.

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

I feel bad for all the chickens who died to become dry ass fundraiser meals and for all the iPads who were born to check in patients at CityMD. Y'all deserved better.

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

@pattyroddy @iamkennieg @_Rodolfooo It's gonna be so lit and straight when we are married

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

Not me stroking my post-COVID mustache while having a think...

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

In retrospect, "the Venga Bus is coming" 100% sounds like a threat. Thank you, I'll be here providing relevant hot takes on music from 1999 all night.

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

Dance like one person's watching. They're always watching...

[Dionne Warwick @dionnewarwick]

I am going to relax. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Except @kfc. They know what they twoted to me. Bye! 🥰

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

@fried_grits I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

Gaslight all men 2021

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

@LauraAnneMcKay not even with my pussy

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

If you eat ground turkey, I fundamentally don't trust you - but there's a good chance were fucking.

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

@sabeen425 I had an empanada today 🤫

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

HOW MANY DAYS IS TOO MANY DAYS TO HAVE A BEEF PATTY FOR LUNCH? AM I IN A RUT OR HAVE I TRANSCENDED DECISION FATIGUE

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

Lindsay Lohan could be in diamond-encrusted couture & I'd still see her in pajama pants, Starbys in hand, asking for a BEC. How did we decide, as a culture, that she was famous & not just a girl getting a plain bagel with butter & smoking cigarettes in front of a strip mall? HOW?

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

To the three people that read my Tweets, can we make #LindsayLIhan a thing PLEASE. I NEED THIS.

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

*peels off Boardy Barn sticker from last night*
"Yeah, hi. Can I get a bagel, toasted, with butter and this Gatorade?" #LindsayLIhan

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

My favorite thing about Lindsay Lohan in the early 00's is that, no matter what she wore, she always looked like a girl on Long Island at a bagel store.

[Sam Geloso @samgeloso]

*sips Starbucks iced coffee*
"Yeah, hi. Can I get a plain bagel with everything cream cheese? LIGHTLY toasted." #lindsayLIhan