Sami Middleton

She/her who still uses her stuffed animals to pretend she’s in a writer’s room.

[Sami Middleton @sami_middleton]

all salads should have salami

[Sami Middleton @sami_middleton]

@craighorlbeck He leaves me only with more questions every dang time

[Jimmy Buffett @jimmybuffett]

has a good ring to it don't you think?

[Sami Middleton @sami_middleton]

Return of the King? More like return of the ring am I right

[Sami Middleton @sami_middleton]

@foxtrotmarket you took the salami out of my favorite salad and then you went bankrupt? should have thought TWICE

[Sami Middleton @sami_middleton]

all salads should have salami

[Colleen Grablick @colleengrablick]

It Happened To Me: I Thought I Was Too Cool To Care About The Eclipse Last Week But In Doing So I Denied A Fundamental Truth About Myself (Loving Being A Part Of Things) And Now It's Today And I Don't Have Glasses

[Emilio Herce @emilioherce]

Vampire Weekend really did something with this new album

[Hanif Abdurraqib @NifMuhammad]

it is opening day — good luck to all of your teams, which in this moment are also MY teams, and therefore OUR teams, as I love few things more than a clean slate brimming with possibility. I hope none of our teams lose any games this season. (sadly many will lose many games)

[Sami Middleton @sami_middleton]

@dtakaki3 Truly I CRIED laughing

[Dashiell M. Silva @dashiellsilva]

Janet Jackson should haunt and terrorise every Super Bowl performance like she’s the Phantom of the Opera.

[Astead @AsteadWH]

If you slandered Daddy lessons don’t switch up now . The north remembers

[☔ @Whotfismick]

me reading twitter like it’s the morning paper.

[lucy ford 🍊 @lucyj_ford]

nothing stronger than the bond between a girl and the 100+ episode procedural drama she starts rewatching in the middle of a mental health crisis

[Dave Itzkoff @ditzkoff]

Justice

[Sami Middleton @sami_middleton]

my optometrist and I today fully gossiped about blue light lenses not doing anything and then he got to watch me tell the sales person I didn’t want it on my frames and wow it was such a high

[Derek Heckman @herekdeckman]

May we all know this level of clarity and self-confidence

[Sami Middleton @sami_middleton]

@keelyannb Nothing is more gratifying than moms finally letting us know their incredible petty takes of exes 😘

[Kayleigh Donaldson @Ceilidhann]

Not one scene of Napoleon is scored to a slowed down cover of ABBA's Waterloo. 0 stars.

[Sami Middleton @sami_middleton]

THERE ARE SO MANY MUSTACHES AT THIS CONCERT