sam

I have absolutely no idea. I am afraid.

[sam @samicolaa]

walking down the street holding a taquito like a cigarette and listening to fast car

[sam @samicolaa]

continually saying im going to relapse on thanksgiving isn’t getting the laughs i hoped it would

[sam @samicolaa]

nothing on this earth bums me out more than those giant water bottles with little motivational phrases printed on the side to encourage you to drink more water

[sam @samicolaa]

literally the most fun a person can have is watching a show where you get to say “ughhh” and “what the hell” out loud to the tv

[sam @samicolaa]

fuck thanksgiving and any of you buying a damn turkey from the god damn grocery store im going to break both of my wrists lifting these giant ass frozen ass birds

[sam @samicolaa]

@falsefatigue the chalkboard menu should be outlawed

[sam @samicolaa]

if we, as a society, have decided restaurants need to be as dark as possible for some reason im going to need someone on staff at every establishment to 1. hold my hand so i don’t bump into stuff 2. read me the entire fucking menu

[sam @samicolaa]

i hold the controversial opinion that the visually impaired should be able to order some appys and pay too much for a mocktail just like everyone else

[sam @samicolaa]

when i lived in richmond there was a period where i would run all the way home every time i was drunk until one day at work my coworker asked me why i was sprinting down the street holding a case of beer at like midnight the night before

[sam @samicolaa]

good morning Philadelphia!!! happy smoke inhalation Sunday!!!

[sam @samicolaa]

every night I drink a big cup of water, put on my expensive moisturizer and then stare at the ceiling without blinking for several hours experiencing memories in full color

[sam @samicolaa]

yesterday i googled the difference between morality and ethics and today i googled difference between a taser and a stun gun

[sam @samicolaa]

you guys want me to put on a little sticker so everyone on the street knows i did something im deeply ashamed of (voting for Kamala)

[sam @samicolaa]

wow 130 days sober! maybe by 200 days I’ll finally stop fantasizing about blacking out at the cheesecake factory

[sam @samicolaa]

you actually don’t need drugs to experience ego death, all you have to do is spend 8 hours in a grocery store on a sunday

[sam @samicolaa]

sometimes a crisp frosty cold diet coke is too good so i will let it sit out and warm up for a minute before i allow myself to indulge

[sam @samicolaa]

I have made the executive decision to go nonverbal in the grocery store today

[sam @samicolaa]

filling out an injury report at work bc i got transphobia’d by a customer so hard its going to leave a bruise

[Letty @borntopiss]

I love having “classic thoughts”. Such as “The trees look so beautiful this time of year.” These classic thoughts help me feel more connected to humanity

[sam @samicolaa]

sometimes i get legitimately scared other people can’t see me bc why else would this woman sit next to me on the trolley and put her grocery bags on my lap

[sam @samicolaa]

i made a to-do list and then i did the things on the to-do list in a timely fashion and now i am well on my way to being one of the most successful men of the 21st century