Sam J Montoya

Writer. Comic. Video Guy. Performs sketch on @Royalesketch @PackTheater

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

I was fired from being an altar boy in the 3rd grade. I've held a grudge against the church ever since.

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

Super excited to be doing standup next Thursday August 11th 8pm

https://t.co/DqW8Zg03Ye

[Cool Gary @coolgarysketch]

THE LAST GARY. Next Wednesday 7/20 at 9pm @PackTheater. Your final chance to see the Garys be Cool.

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

I skipped leg day today. I just sat.

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

get your tickets here
https://t.co/h4c82XEdYU

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

Tomorrow night come watch an all new sketch show from @coolgarysketch and @GutterComedy April 20th 9pm @PackTheater

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

https://t.co/wW28IRUvZc

[Kimberly Clark @ClarkKimberlyL]

Gonna miss you Ricarlo.

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

“Making it” to me means your fridge dispenses crushed ice

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

Just went to the dentist for the first time since the pandemic TO ALL DENTISTS can we update the lead vest technology???

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

Let’s take a face-y #MomQuotes

[tillery @tilleryjohnson]

2B) Ideally they will have a clear, specific, and properly motivated goal (potentially along with at least a loose plan of HOW to achieve it), and they will make BOLD choices in their attempt to achieve that goal.

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

My political views?
I'm a Crunch Wrap Supremist

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

Teeth are the dishes of your mouth

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

You haven’t lived til you’ve heard a mariachi cover of Baby Shark

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

Still does

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

Bout to double check if Shanghai Noon still holds up

Will touch back in 1h 50m

[Sam J Montoya @samjcomedy]

Life will be okay as long as all of the Tupperware in the drawer have lids

[Ken Garr @kengarrwastaken]

Self tape auditions are a lot like one night stands. You’re in the bedroom, you pray you do it right and you never hear from them again.

[Raj Desai @_rajdesai]

Still waiting for the sequel: “We Returned A Zoo.”