same mccarren

a place for my moronic thoughts to reside

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

*sighs* *opens netflix*

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

I hate election season for the sole fact that during this time I have to read words like “gubernatorial”. Fake ass made up words. Fuck you

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

No seriously who keeps making it smell like splooge and farts in my room

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

The way guac gets all dirty when it touches air but it’s my skin when I leave the house

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

Blue Chewy- a fast, reliable way to ship prescription penis pills to your empassioned pets

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

Love training my coworkers and teaching them new terminology. Today’s phrase: self-immolation

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

Nothing like crapping out of your hiney at work . No wiping either I leave it up to the gentle yet resolute hands of the lord my savior

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

There should be a feature where the uber drivers tell you when they get home safe

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

Snap streaks? Uhhh yeah… no thanks. The only streaks I have are in my underwear

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

Really just not a big fan of Michael B. Peterson. Annoying voice

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

@emmalwooten Right there with you sister

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

@emmalwooten She’s reaping🤯🔥

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

Corn dog in my ass

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

Ice cream flavor idea: the taste of the glue on an envelope

[Jason Gallagher @jga41agher]

Turning off Woj notifications 😢

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

If I’m elected first day in office I’m changing that little brat’s name to penace the menace for obvious reasons

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

she pee on my nut til I butter and jelly sandwich

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

Did I shit my pants or am I just in Baltimore

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

can’t wait for easter when christ is about to be rizzin

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

Secrets secrets are no fun, they make you poop they make you fart

[same mccarren @sammccarren]

@yoursonbeth