creamy crispy cracker

what are we even doing here…

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@katieeyapping I reported an account that claimed to be 15 & was sharing hardcore porn but Twitter said it wasn’t a child safety issue so 🤷‍♀️

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@OrevaZSN I was punished for missing a shift I couldn’t work due to my other job so I wrote a two page letter about how it was the worst job I ever had & slipped it under the door the night before the regional manager from corporate was visiting.

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@davenewworld_2 I worked at a bookstore cafe & any unsold food had to be put in garbage bags with dish soap so no one would dig through our dumpsters for food. Our boss would literally stand there & tell us if we didn’t use enough soap.

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@shrppanjeamerik I was about to take a final exam in college when I got a voicemail from my landlord that my house was being torn down on Monday so I had to vacate. It was Thursday afternoon.

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@notcapnamerica I had a job where I was scheduled literally every single holiday because I “didn’t have a family.” I was told my parents, sister & brother in law, & their kids didn’t count because they lived somewhere else.

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@Furbeti Sounds exactly like the song Bo Burnham’s character sings in Parks & Rec..

[Aaron @AaronGoldyBoy]

It’s even more embarrassing to know he learned this from adults 🤦‍♂️

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

I think it’s funny how Christians say “god loves you unconditionally” but then make up all kinds of conditions.

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@muheediva01 One time my dad was trying to return shoes at walmart & lil’ 4yo me said “he didn’t get them here” so they wouldn’t do the return. I only meant he got them in the shoe section, not the grocery side where customer service was. Tough car ride home.

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@amoralfixation From personal experience, they try to pull what little you have into the machine, to the point where it may actually tear your skin, causing you to bleed a bit…

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@TannerBuilds I once had a plumber cut a chunk of drywall out of my ceiling to fix a leaking drain in an upstairs bathroom. Not only did he leave the giant hole, he also left the old drain & debris in the tub. The whole experience was awful.

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@IskandarSolmaz I worked at BAM around the same time & their thing was scheduling people for 6 hours to get a 30 min break but then they’d send you home early so they could just pay you less.

[Katie 🍉🍃 @KatieRagatha]

hi everyone here is how you get rid of ai overviews on google I swear to god it works

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@jisoolvrr Some of these takes are blowing my mind I just can’t…

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@colleenawilson This happened to me! I was constantly told I was just having panic attacks & just needed to relax. It wasn’t until I needed steroid breathing treatments that I was finally diagnosed.

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@pugmane I said something similar on another tweet. ER would make some of these people’s heads explode…

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@brrr_add I swear, every other comment I read has me thinking that these people would’ve never survived a season of ER…

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@euphoriadaya

[creamy crispy cracker @samwise_glamgee]

@notokwonton *Chef’s kiss*

[Adam London @_adamlondon]

bryon noem walking in on kristi and corey lewandowski