Sandi Benton

afraid of guy smiley. obsessed with guy smiley. this is the dilemma that drives my life.

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

I’m sorry I haven’t gotten back to you, literally all forms of communication stress me out

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

Me: What if I’m doing too much therapy? Like what if I become TOO calm and zen and stop reacting to stuff?
Therapist: ….
Me: …???
Therapist: …that’s not something you need to worry about.

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

Walking into the club like Shadow at the end of Homeward Bound

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

if you think those blow up Santa’s aren’t coming to life at night to kill, i’ve got a plot of land on the moon you might be interested in

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

First dates are scary because you could get there and the first thing the person says could be “are u ready to party?!” Like no absolutely not that is so inappropriate

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

@mikenodonnell Oh I’m definitely not on this list. I’m just a gal talkin about ants

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

Objectively there are only two funny things:
1. Animals in negative romantic situations ie lizards getting divorced
2. Ants (they’re so small, like what is that)

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

@tyler_is_comedy I said funny, not bone-chilling

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

I have 2 therapists but so far I’m still really into twilight and not much else

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

Heads up everyone, rage rooms aren’t fire proof and they are ALARMED if you ask about it

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

They can climb but can they love?

[Emily Finch @DrEmilyFinch]

Eels just need a bit of dampness on the ground to travel over land. They can even CLIMB UP DAM WALLS! Have you seen how big dam walls are??! 🤯

3/?

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

@maxgotjokes You are the greatest! And I just dmed you 💚

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

@jennycavallero @ElyKreimendahl @maxgotjokes @raunchonpizza @ElaniKitten @BKreimendahl @lizzynormal 💚💚💚💚

[jenny questell @jennyismessy]

Live laugh lose it on stage

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

@bambiambi313 Thanks Ambi! :)

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

Just trying to show I’m on the grind (it’s me, I’m the friend)

[chris @chrisohey]

Instagram is millennials trying to convince everyone that their life is better than it is, TikTok is gen z trying to convince everyone that it’s worse.

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

The only way I will go to an orgy is if everyone involved loves me very much and doesn’t like each other at all

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

@KSeefried If that happens you also get a free Scottie dog and those pups are $$$. So it’s a little worth it?

[Sandi Benton @sandi_benton]

Dr: you are having an asthma attack

Me: listen if I’m having anything it’s a great time being so chill 😎

Dr: no