Sandy Kirkham

Clergy abuse survivor, victim advocate, speaker and author of "Let Me Prey Upon You"

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

NAME It! Spirtual abuse is not a moral fall, a moral failing, a sin of the heart, an innapporiate emotional attachment, a ministry failure, an affair, or as my abuser called it, a debacle. It is sexual Abuse. Sexual misconduct and a crime! Don't sanitize it.

[Lauren @LABC222]

“Well then what is bitterness???” So many of us have heard these twisted explanations of bitterness that toxic pastors use to keep abuse victims quiet. And to keep their sins hidden so they can keep on abusing people. Please watch this instead. https://t.co/z9BYY36jUV

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

Perhaps if we remove the tax-exempt status of churches who elect to cover up sexual abuse and put sexual predators in the pulpit, things will change. Hit them in the pocketbook. My abuser remains in good standing in the Disciples of Christ church

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

@EllerySusan I don't believe the one being targeted & victimized can necessarily prevent it. They have been trapped but church leaders & those around the victim have a better chance of identifying abusive behavior if they understand how abusers operate.

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

Love bombing, grooming, manipulation, gaslighting, & isolation. There you have it. The abuser's tool box. Learn these terms. Understand how they are used on victims. Only then will we be able to identify, prevent & respond to abuse

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

@betschind I hope you find it helpful. I'm guessing our stories will have many similarities. Being abused by a trusted clergy at such a formative time in our lives has a lifelong impact emotionally and spiritually. I hope you have found some healing in your journey

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

My book , "Let Me Prey Upon You" is now out in paperback. It is available on Amazon or at my website https://t.co/10woFW1pYh It's my story of being preyed upon at age of 16 by my youth pastor who was 30, married with 2 children. The abuse would last for 5yrs. until he was caught.

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

Deception is the key to an abusive relationship. In order for the perp to worm his way in, he must disguise his motives. After all mean, rude, unkind people are easy to spot. We avoid them. So he pretends to be loving and caring to pull the victim in.

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

@rachelpeach15 Any guilt, shame or blame lies squarely on the abuser. Period. He was in a position to help you not harm you. It was his place to maintain the proper boundaries. It took two years for me to finally believe I was not responsible for his immoral, unethical & evil behavior. HE WAS!

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

@Amy_Nordhues Hateful & showing a complete lack of understanding of abuse. We lose our ability to say no because we trust the person who is claiming to care for us. Our emotional state at the time hinders our ability to say no. We need victims to speak the truth & educate. Don't give up!

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

@ChristaBrown777 @9rachellynn @FirstOrlando @FirstBaptistATL You were one of the first to expose this evil when very few people even dared to mention the topic. It must of been hard to be that lone voice. I hope you are encouraged by the exposure and the voices of victims now. Thank you

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

@ElizabethZirkle There is not room for me to go in depth. But to answer your question, sex offenders have lost that privilege & identies of sex offenders should not be kept secret. Church members have a right to know this info.

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

@ChristaBrown777 @9rachellynn @FirstOrlando @FirstBaptistATL Thank you. I am a survivor. I kept silent for 27 years until a trigger forced me to face my past. Your writings were some of the first that inspired me & gave me hope. Thank you! I was able to face my abuser & found the courage to write my book

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

@apurrpurr All the time

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

@DianeLangberg Your words bring comfort

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

@DanielGilmanHQ @R_Denhollander @wademullen @DianeLangberg registered

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

@NotinOurChurch1 @onemoorematt I’m one of those victims. My youth pastor had sex with me in the church.
He was emotionally and physically abusive for 5 yrs. Church creates anxiety and triggers Read my book “Let Me Prey Upon You. We mourn the loss of our church life Please be more sensitive

[Sandy Kirkham @sandykirkham11]

@JimmyHinton12 Praying for peace. What you did was nothing short of heroic. You saved so many lives and while the loss is profound you did the right thing