Sarah Oliver

If I can't scuba, then whats this all been about?

[Sarah Oliver @sarahcoliver]

No gets my jokes and they just think I’m really sad instead. I miss @doyoucaro

[Delaney Hobson @delaney_hobson]

when ur apartment floods so u have to live in a hotel

[Sarah Oliver @sarahcoliver]

@doyoucaro Iconic

[Sarah Oliver @sarahcoliver]

NOT ENOUGH DISCO BARS

[Sarah Oliver @sarahcoliver]

The best part of breaking up? When you decide to throw away all those old clothes, clean the crap out of your house, chop all your freaking hair off and get that damn tattoo you’ve been wanting for forever.

[Sarah Oliver @sarahcoliver]

Is it A) rude that I left all my ghost behind when we moved to this new house or B) rude that none of them followed me to the new house? I mean, I get it. They have a whole new family to haunt but seriously, now I sleep too good at night.

[Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings]

the human’s fren came over. for the first time in a long time. i tried to show them. how the skittle under the fridge. still hasn’t moved. but they didn’t seem super interested. that’s okay. we all have different passions

[Sarah Oliver @sarahcoliver]

Idea for later: Trolly Pubs but on water?

[Sarah Oliver @sarahcoliver]

Playing darts is fun but HAVE YOU TRIED PLAYING WITH AXES????

[Sarah Oliver @sarahcoliver]

@doyoucaro If he was alive he still probably wouldn’t be on instagram. He’d have like a wordpress account where he just complains about everything

[Sarah Oliver @sarahcoliver]

@doyoucaro Good point. Just gonna send it

[Sarah Oliver @sarahcoliver]

What’s the nicest way to email someone and say “I told you so, so kiss my ass”?

[James @CaucasianJames]

coffee: chugged

homies: hugged

[Nick Offerman @Nick_Offerman]

I applaud you.
You might also tie that healthy head of hair into a ponytail for added safekeeping from spinning machine parts 🤓

[JASON @jjasonduh]

What episode of Stranger Things is this?

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

I wish I had the confidence to arrive at a party super dumpy and underdressed, but I also wish I had the confidence to arrive at a party super fancy and overdressed. I guess I just wish I had confidence.

[Sarah Oliver @sarahcoliver]

Proud of my commitment to puzzles and Google Calendar this summer.

[𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖇𝖔𝖎 @itstae13]

Stop getting rid of your pets because they aren’t what you expected Clifford was literally the smallest puppy and turned out to be a 30 FOOT RED DOG AND EMILY ELIZABETH STILL MADE IT WORK