Sarah Messer

the next time i open up to someone will be during an autopsy.

[Sarah Messer @sarmessy]

@local_sofa I’m a virgin 😔

[Sarah Messer @sarmessy]

The entire outlet mall is closed, just got the call while I was drifting into the school parking lot for 3rd period.

[Evan Trotter @evan_trotter35]

Me driving to school today:

[altDCSD @altDCSD]

As DCSD’s snow team was unable to meet to discuss school cancelation (per the unsafe roads) school will be in session tomorrow (10/28). Lmao nerds

[Sarah Messer @sarmessy]

“It’s not sissiors, it’s like 150 grit sand paper.”
Y’all why is there a middle schooler in my math 4 class. This should not be allowed.

[Sarah Messer @sarmessy]

I like and understand math very well, but Integrated Math is like sitting in the fires of hell for an hour and a half everyday.

[Sarah Messer @sarmessy]

@CVSTUDGOV $113

[Sarah Messer @sarmessy]

People rly be out here getting in relationships... smh

[Sarah Messer @sarmessy]

Next time I go to someone’s house, I’m stealing something

[shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird]

[first day at dairy queen]

me: here you go sir [flips cup upside down]

guy: [drenched in dr pepper] ok what the fuck

[Sophia @local_sofa]

CV choir really be out here sounding like angels

[Sarah Messer @sarmessy]

Why aren’t inmates punished by having to speak in Shakespearean english?

[Adam Rippon @AdamRippon]

I just weighed myself after the holidays and now the weight I have listed on my drivers license is more of a vision board than a reality

[Sarah Messer @sarmessy]

Let us acquire this saccharomyces cerevisiae.

[Brett Kavanagh @Brett_Kavanagh]

This is a terrible time to be named Brett Kavanagh

[Ashlee Marie Preston @AshleeMPreston]

Welp...it’s official...Kim Kardashian finally decided to divorce Kanye West... https://t.co/C2p25mxWJO

[Sarah Messer @sarmessy]

i’m a slut for a good pie

[Justine Stafford @JustineStafford]

Now she's falling asleep, and I'm calling a crab.

[Saul Good @RockBSaul]

Y’all wanna talk about ghosting, let’s talk about jobs you apply for and never get denied or accepted