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[SⱯM 🩷🌈 @HelloFromSam]

"who told you about the shield, Freddie?"

"Yin told me yesterday"

"she got voted out in episode 1 Freddie...."

#TraitorsUK #Traitors

[sashaaa @sashatigerlilly]

@OntheBeachUK I was put on hold again for 2 hours after already being on hold for an hour.

[SANTAN @Santandave1]

at 25 you are a old young person and at 26 you are a young old person I don’t know

[Shafeeq @Y2SHAF]

you relax for 5 minutes after work and next thing you know it’s 10pm

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

Anyone else remember the days when “picking up a few bits” from the supermarket didn’t cost £54?

[LEO @Leo_Tweets]

#Leo pet peeves:

1. Being rushed.
2. Interruption.
3. Sudden changes.
4. Lack of common sense.
5. Ignorance.
6. Being hungry.

[Words @wordstionary]

Situation….

[tobí rachel @TobiRachel_]

The only thing my generation has not seen is an alien invasion

[sarah @sablaah]

omg thanks for ending the meeting 4 minutes early and "giving me some time back" -- now I can finally pursue my passions

[sashaaa @sashatigerlilly]

@currys Thank you I have messaged you all the details.

[sashaaa @sashatigerlilly]

@currys how long does it take to actually talk to someone from your customer service! I bought a computer nearly 2 weeks ago and haven’t received anything to collect it from store when they said it would take up to a week at most! Grrrrr

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

Aside from the endless pillow turning, the leg going in and out of the duvet, the fan moving warm air around the room and the hot sun coming up at 4am as the birds start screaming… it should be another cracking night’s sleep.

[James O'Brien @mrjamesob]

All these Conservative MPs writing about how 'integrity, honesty & decency matter in politics' keep missing out the word 'suddenly'...

[Parody Ken Clarke @MrKennethClarke]

BREAKING: The Government.

[Trent Crimm @TrentCrimmInd]

@rickygervais this part made me lose it!
What an amazing show!
"I hope that was his cock, you stupid cunt."

[Rob Beckett @robbeckettcomic]

It’s absolutely hilarious looking at all the Love Island couples pretending to be in actual love with each other. #LoveIsland

[Fact @Fact]

When you eat fruit, you are eating the plant's ovaries.

[Fact @Fact]

Never argue with an idiot.

[sashaaa @sashatigerlilly]

@EASPORTS waiting 8 hours for a poxy verification code is not on, fuuuuuuuminggggggg