Sassy Unicorns

Welcome to the official page of the Sassy Unicorns 🦄

[Sassy Unicorns @sassyunicornsfc]

Division 3 🏆

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Darrzo secured the first hat trick of the season today!

#HatTrickQueero

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Murray has picked up his first clean sheet 📝 🧽

The first of many…

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A STUNNING GOAL FROM DARRZO!

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After a bumpy start to our new season!

We’ve secured promotion to Division 4

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🦄The new season is almost here!🦄

We hope everyone is excited for the season ahead and ready for another year of football, teamwork and plenty of good times and assault charges!

We’ll be keeping you updated throughout the season, so make sure to follow along and support us!

[Sassy Unicorns @sassyunicornsfc]

🚨 🚨 John Murray has been appointed as “Grandly Appointed Your Leading Official for Representative Democracy” (G.A.Y.L.O.R.D) of the Sassy Unicorns! 🚨 🚨

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“Here at the Sassy Unicorns, we care deeply about the wellbeing of our employees. I hope that my employees feel heard and respected. In the event that they don’t feel valued in this way, I would advise my employees to either speak to HR or consider forming a union.” - Darrzo

[Sassy Unicorns @sassyunicornsfc]

🚨 🚨 After speaking with employees of The Sassy Unicorns, Darrzo has decided to appoint a close member of staff to form a democratic advisor board focussed on advising Darrzo on ensuring the club is more democratic and more responsive to the needs of its employees 🚨 🚨

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Club Statement:

We thank Ganeshi for the England loss today at the World Cup.

We are simply delighted.

#WorldCup #England

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Another Triple Hat Trick for Darrzo in a spectacular 10 - 0 win in Division 2 playoffs…

But the glory was shared as Conor scored a goal that Darrzo set up. The impossible became possible

And of course, Murray got another clean sheet!

[Sassy Unicorns @sassyunicornsfc]

destabilize the club, discriminated against fellow players, created bullying social media accounts, and engaged in further disruptive behaviour.
Mooney, however, insists the club is being run like a dictatorship and believes he is the right person to take control.” [Part 2]

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🚨 Fabrizio Romano Reports 🚨
“I have it on good authority that relations between the Sassy Unicorns leadership and Conor Mooney have completely broken down. A transfer request could now be on the cards.
Club leadership alleges that Mooney has attempted to… [Part 1]

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Thanks to what can only be described as GOD-LIKE Goalkeeper, Murray has almost single handedly got us into Division 2 with SAVE AFTER SAVE.

Darrzo nobly sacrificed himself in the last minute to help secure promotion “.

Murray… we thank you for your service

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The club would like to thank the fans for your continued support during this difficult period.

#DarrzoStatement #OwnGoalOfTheSeason #ManOfTheMatchForBothTeams

[3 of 2? You do the maths]

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. Not every player can boast contributions at both ends of the pitch, but I accept that my versatility may have gone too far.

I promise to work hard in training to ensure my future assists are directed towards teammates wearing the same shirt as me.

[2 of 2]

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Darrzo would like to formally apologise to the fans.

You deserve better.

While the hat-tricks I scored were decent, they were unfortunately overshadowed by the goal I scored for the opposition and the assist I generously provided to the other team.

[1 of 2]

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Our form has simply been unbelievable.

Divison 2 💪

John has been an absolute wall in nets saving shot after shot after shot;

ConorDaQueen has been an assist machine and has shown a true defensive masterclass;

And Darrzo with back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to…. hat tricks

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Two shocks in our 3 - 1 victory today:

- Darrzo stayed in nets as keeper

- Darrzo scored a power shot as the keeper

We’ll let you decide which is more surprising

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@LordLatro Couldn’t have done it without you ❤️

#BestGoalkeeperInTheWorld #SafeHands #Protection

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Sassy Unicorn HISTORY IN THE MAKING. A whopping 23 - 0.

Darrzo scored a QUADRUPLE HAT TRICK……. IN THE FIRST HALF

Darrzo scored 19 goals and 1 assist…

WHAT A GAME!!!

HISTORY IN THE MAKING!!!!