Working with oneself, healing, etc, is like trying to get a message to the king that his minister is corrupt but u can only communicate with the king through his minister
A lot of people are playing a character they don't enjoy, and they think they're stuck that way forever because switching characters would be out of character
big secret to happiness is just liking stuff. finding more stuff to like. finding ways to like stuff you didn't before. recognizing what it feels like to like something and doubling down on that. what feels frivolous is actually the whole ballgame
This isn't unique to wives (women).
This is actually human trait for most people. We want to be heard.
Your first reply is meta to this:
"I don't want solution, I want you to consider MY needs!!!"
Because the solution is providing emotional feedback & acknowledgment ("I'm sorry this bothers you, tell me more how it makes you feel")
But you don't want that solution 😉