schmeisenberg

It's called the Left because that's where the heart is. ❤️

[Chandler Teasdale @ChandlerJourdan]

Josh Hokit is a disgusting and racist piece of shit for what he just said. Fuck that guy forever

[schmeisenberg @schmeisy]

A pisser is worth a thousand words. 🤣🐘🤣

[CALL TO ACTIVISM @CalltoActivism]

🚨OMG: The elephant they brought in to the Texas Republican convention just PISSED all over the floor.

You can’t make it up.

[Frank Conniff @FrankConniff]

“Jazz is about what happens between the notes.“ Really? Really?!!! I beg to differ. I’ve been listening to Jazz for over 50 years now, and I’m telling you, no kidding, the notes are my favorite part.

[Frank Conniff @FrankConniff]

Today, for the first time in recorded history, we have tangible, documented proof that even one trillion dollars can’t buy love.

[Frank Conniff @FrankConniff]

Soon:

“I’m Scott Baio.”
“I’m Patricia Heaton.”
“I’m Kevin Sorbo.”
“I’m Roseanne Barr.”
“I’m Andrew Tate. Those stories, plus Tony Hinchcliffe, tonight on 60 Minutes.”

[Adam Parkhomenko @AdamParkhomenko]

Jake Tapper is going after Jill Biden because Jake Tapper is a pussy who will happily attack a woman while being too afraid to criticize Trump.

Jake is a bitch.

[Adam Kinzinger (Slava Ukraini) 🇺🇸🇺🇦 @AdamKinzinger]

Trump: “only complete and total surrender”

Iran: “nah”

Trump: “Ok then no nukes ever! We want the nuclear dust!”

Iran: “we’re keeping it”

Trump: “ok!!!! We have a deal”

Foxnews crowd:

[Frank Conniff @FrankConniff]

If you only see one movie this year…you’re not that into movies, are you?

[Sarrah Bellus @sarrah_bellus]

My dog when he hears the crinkle of a food wrapper

[Frank Conniff @FrankConniff]

One important detail people should take note of as Trump maneuvers his way through a very important diplomatic trip to China is that he’s a rapist.

[Ari Drennen @AriDrennen]

Have we considered that maybe the spider was being attacked and feared for its life or

[schmeisenberg @schmeisy]

@JoyfullCat Happy Cinco de Gato to you too.

[Frank Conniff @FrankConniff]

Despite reports that he’s in critical condition, doctors just put out a press release saying Rudy Giuliani is in stable condition and masturbating comfortably.

[Uzi @UziCryptoo]

I can’t believe we used to throw toilet paper and eggs at houses and now we can’t afford toilet paper, eggs or a house.

[Jessica S. Tisch @NYPDPC]

Here is video of the heroic actions that members of the NYPD took this morning to rescue children and adults from a burning home in Queens.

They were hurt. They had just been thrown to the ground by an explosion.

And in that moment, with no clear sense of what else they might be walking into, they made the decision to keep moving forward.

Their focus stayed exactly where it needed to be: on the people inside, on getting those children out, and on making sure that situation didn’t claim innocent lives.

[nancy baggett @nancybaggett]

@SpencerHakimian Kimmel spoke the truth: Notice that Mel can't even stand for Don to touch her even when she's wearing gloves. No wonder, since Don cheated on her many times-she's likely totally disgusted.
https://t.co/29BovQW8Pn

[Sardar Shafqat Ali Khan @s7600084]

@SpencerHakimian Ohhh

That’s the reason

She always wear gloves 🧤 while with him…

[schmeisenberg @schmeisy]

@tryingattimes @SpencerHakimian LOLOLOL

[Frank Conniff @FrankConniff]

So I guess Melania is more of a Comics Unleashed with Byron Allen kind of gal.