Schweg

Producer. Writer. Genius. Stud.

[liljay @LiljayUgc]

They killin the Kendrick Lamar Edits 🥳

[Schweg @Schweg]

Happy National Only Child Day to all my brothers and sisters out there.

[Jay Light @DietJay]

Cocaine Bear is a feminist icon

[Marc Istook @MarcIstook]

Miles Teller, TCU fan

[Schweg @Schweg]

@karri_leigh A-List Spice

[Schweg @Schweg]

If the plural of “mongoose”is “mongooses,” then what is the plural of “titmouse?”

[Schweg @Schweg]

If I start Leprechaun 5: In the Hood and I have only seen Leprechaun 1 for the first time today, will I be missing serious plot holes?
@FINALLEVEL #Leprechaun

[Schweg @Schweg]

The only thing worse than comic sans is not wrapping your text in an Excel document

[Schweg @Schweg]

Thank you @IamLaceyChabert for always keeping the conversation going strong with my mother.

[Professor Hayes 🇺🇸 𝕏 @MegalodonJones]

My dude. 😂

[Schweg @Schweg]

@NostraSeanus @AmericanAir @Delta Yeah - they said it would be an hour and 45 min. Called me back and spoke to someone who said to wait 14 min - and that was 29 min ago. I’m stuck on a day I have to get back to work and @AmericanAir isn’t even faking any compassion on this - much less solving anything.

[Schweg @Schweg]

@karri_leigh

[Schweg @Schweg]

@karri_leigh @netflix

[Schweg @Schweg]

Isn’t it the worst when you spend 5 min looking for your beer and you realized you left it in the shower?

[Schweg @Schweg]

“What country are the Swiss Alps in? Are they in Belgium?”

— Woman across aisle from me on airplane who probably votes

[Schweg @Schweg]

Fun fact: If I buy 1,000 shares of Blockbuster stock, it will cost me $11.15 - but $6.95 of that [yes, that’s over half] is the commission fee I have to pay my broker.

[Schweg @Schweg]

#OscarsSoHuman #CatsSnubbed #Oscars

[Schweg @Schweg]

As a Californian in my original home of Texas, people always ask “In N Out or Whataburger?” The answer is simple- it’s a tie between Zankou Chicken and Taco Cabana

[Schweg @Schweg]

I just took a DNA test- turns out I’m 100% that bitch who’s stoked Eddie Murphy and Lizzo are hosting the last episode of SNL of the decade.