$cotty

told em beam me up Yotty

[Modernity Man @escapemodernity]

The worst part of dating a Latina is going home to meet her family and trying to Sherlock Holmes which one of her uncles is the one that did it

[Cvit @Cvit_]

#womeninmaledominatedfields #beastmode

[Slimothy James 🕺 @4C4R4D]

@snqped

[PERVERTBALLMASTER3000 @snqped]

Id be a worthless deadbeat bee bro Id be in the hive all day playing with my stingaling

[Hood Action News @BAPingLoud]

I just learned today that they gotta jerk off down syndrome people at least once a week cuz they get aggressive otherwise usually it's a nurse but they have specialized tools for them to use

[Sry @sorrrriy]

Been dying laughing at this for 2 days

[Geraldo @voiceofgeraldo]

Lying about my birthday at chilis, getting caught, then escalating into a suicide by cop situation

[Jet @Jet_Limit1]

I know I’m pure of heart because the blizzcon 2026 no loads refused bathroom fuck fest video hasn’t organically come across my desk

[Scotty @scottyf82]

He dodged the draft, sneaked off AF1 and raped kids on Epstein island, but his cult still believes he's a warrior

[Jozu 🇵🇦 @JozuJoestarr]

we really have a genuine retard in the white house. like it’s actually insane

[Amiri King @AmiriKing]

My toddler loves Monsters Inc. especially Mike Wazowski.

Yesterday I was in Walmart and came across this cool t-shirt.

I immediately bought it, put it on in the car, and rushed home to show my toddler.

I hunted her down as soon as I came through the door.

She was sitting on the couch watching Hogi and eating Goldfish crackers.

I said, ‘Libby check out my cool new shirt!’

I was beaming. I just knew she was gonna think my shirt was the coolest shit ever.

She looked at me, looked at my shirt, scoffed, and yelled, ‘GO AWAY!’

Listen.

I don’t think we talk enough about what huge pieces of shit toddlers are.

That’s literally my TV you are watching.
I paid for those Goldfish crackers.
That’s my fucking couch.

I bought this cool t-shirt ONLY because of you.

And this is your response you f#ggot piece of sh!t??

You are wearing a shirt with a turtle on it that says, ‘Turtley Adorable’ you fuck!ng idiot.

You are broke.
Homeless.
Have poor life skills.
You can’t even fucking speak English.

You are basically a Somali immigrant only brighter in complexion and with much less forehead mass.

I’ll wipe my ass with this shirt.

Fuck this shirt.

Bitch nigga.

Your mom is fat.

[Clue Heywood @ClueHeywood]

it's 110 so I'm squatting in different Circle K "beer caves" around Phoenix and timing how long until they throw me out. So far the fastest was 44th/Van Buren but I still got 13:48 of cold air

[. @batmancurated]

superman & batman by ashley wood

[Charlie Santana @SANTANABURNER7]

Probably the ugliest girl I’ve seen in my entire life slid me this instead of a tip at work. Kinda sucks that there’s a 90% chance I’m texting her bombed at 3 AM tonight but I’m in no condition to be turning down free hole as of late #dryspell #YouEitherHungryOrYouNot

[Ambar @Ambar_SIFF_MRA]

"If you guys showed up on Epstein's Island they would be furious"
😭😭