Sean Gubitosi

Published poet @ Nickelodeon Magazine
he/him

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

if anyone needs to get in touch with me, my phone number is currently the top post on the website reddit

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

life gets harder and more expensive when you want to shoot documentaries on 16mm

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

I am worth my weight in ass

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

please no more meditation on grief movies

[Kyle Harris @heykyleharris]

This is how cool improv could look if they were allowed to hold real beers

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

you insist on watching me eat at the airport you're going to see the greatest show of your life. this is my guarantee to you

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

Lemony Snicket’s Series of Fortunate Events: I walk into a bathroom, look into a mirror, burp, piss shoots out of my dick into a toilet faster than fuck

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

ELVIS’ COFFIN WAS SWEATING

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

I just wanna get to that level where people think, “the roughest thing since rocks” upon hearing my name #goals

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

When I’m old and more easily confused, my grandkids will undoubtedly hear about the weekly CDC classes I had to take because my parents were catholic

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

@jenalbs my fave Jason Mraz lyric too

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

is it still appendicitis if it goes away after housing TUMS and farting a bunch?

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

NEW EPISODES OF HOARDERS ON HULU FYI

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

"Goodbye, Shaaron Rodgewood" is what happens when Elton John reworks "Candle in the Wind" again for Aaron Rodgers and Shailene Woodley

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

Tickle-fighting my way up the corporate ladder

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

most of the time I'd rather be in Alaska

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

I watch the Puppy Bowl for the commercials

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

'Vomitar' is Spanish for 'to barf.'
'Defecar' is Spanish for 'to poop.'
'Urincar' is a car that runs on people piss that the feds made me destroy my blueprints for
#technology

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

the possibility that 'Don't Look Up' could win Best Picture is a bigger threat to humanity than anything else #Oscars

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

I can't help but feel like Christopher Lloyd in 'Dennis the Menace' every time I slice an apple with a switchblade

[Sean Gubitosi @seangubs]

Rafael Nadal continues the long and troubling tradition of pro athletes neglecting to mention me and everything I’ve meant to them in their victory speeches #AustralianOpen