P Diddys Mewing Coach

[low yield lucy @picotop]

intern just said "type shit" to a client.

[Ocho Drinko @ochodrinko85]

Nothing makes a hangover worse than your mom calling and telling you “you don’t sound good”

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

Back in my day you could go to Walmart at 2:00am and buy a shotgun and a live lobster

[TrollGod9000 💿 @TrollGod9000]

New hire asking the manager how lenient is the sexual harassment policy

[julia @juumelo_]

when a white boy asks you to put sunscreen on him that’s a sign of great respect in their culture

[𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 @int6wn]

soft launching my disappearance

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

"be a good girl for daddy" as i pull down my size 30x32 jeans

[໊ @user0000O0]

i’m a fucking idiot does that turn you on

[Saber.Driift🚘 @SaberDriift]

The cops on the other side of the divided highway are not real and cannot catch you

[tt✮⋆ @Bluebirdeyessss]

if i knew how to backflip that would be my response to everything

[fishious @fishquichee]

“Are you on something” yeah the spectrum

[claire @rosiekennedyxx]

and for my next trick I’ll need an 8 ball and a pack of Marlboro reds

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

And the chicken, is it jerked in house?

[Sport Drink @sportdrink]

What peptides should I give my wife if I'm trying to turn her into a Chinese person

[God’s baby @sincere_worm]

testing cocaine for fentanyl by snorting it and seeing if i die

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

Stranger: I like your sneakers

Me *knowing it seems insincere to return a compliment with a compliment*: Thank you. I would never say anything nice about you

[𝘫𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘦 𝘥𝘺𝘢𝘯 @ax0l0tl_r0se]

awkwardly avoiding eye contact with the abyss

[fishious @fishquichee]

(Flirting) whats the matter with you

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

Guy with a booth at a career fair that's looking to hire a hitman

[dior ✞ @deeore5]

i love to say "sounds good" at work and don't nothing sound good at all