Jay 24

[Donald Trump Jr. @DonaldJTrumpJr]

You literally can’t make up this level of depravity. These people are sick. The guy is a murderer. He’s an illegal alien that killed an innocent young woman but MSNBC would rather go to bat for him.
However, much you hate MSNBC it’s not enough!

[Jay 24 @seattle24jay]

@elonmuskADO Hi

[chaddaniels @thatchaddaniels]

Working a club I haven't been able to get booked at in 3 years. Got here and my headshot is on the "dead guy wall". Starting to make sense.

[Charlie Kirk @charliekirk11]

When Obama was elected, we didn't cry and burn stuff down, we waited 8 years & protested in the ballot box. #TrumpRiot

[James P. Connolly @jamespconnolly]

My condolences to anyone who has a Birthday today. You will not get the #Facebook attention you have waited all year for. #ElectionDay2016

[David Zach @davidmzach]

It's better to create something that others criticize than to create nothing and criticize others.

Lecrae

[chaddaniels @thatchaddaniels]

I haven't swept the cobwebs off of my porch for two months. Thank you Halloween.

[chaddaniels @thatchaddaniels]

I've gotten to a weight where I'm scared to try out wicker furniture at Goodwill.

[nick griffin @thenickgriffin]

Every time I say"Bloody Mary" three times into my bathroom mirror the next door neighbor screams, "Shut the fuck up, weirdo!"

[chaddaniels @thatchaddaniels]

I wonder how many concussions in a football game happen from your own teammate enthusiastically slapping your helmet...

[Jim Rome @jimrome]

Greatest clip ever. Dude going double guns, with venom, in the 1st quarter of the 1st game. And Westbrook’s reaction https://t.co/BOsIF8YWU4

[Henry Phillips @Henlips]

For 8 years I've had a crush on the girl in the flower shop on my corner, and this morning I finally talked to her and she's boring as fuck.

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

I sometimes confuse watching political coverage with swan-diving into a swimming pool filled with liquid rabies.

[Henry Phillips @Henlips]

I want to get one of these new BMWs where the driver's seat is a toilet and when you flush it sprays the car behind you.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Me: Guess what?!

Wife: What?

Me: A group of ferrets is called a business!

Wife: Stop calling me at work.

[Jay 24 @seattle24jay]

@RSherman_25 caption; hey man, u look that dude that stole my bike when I was 10

[Henry Phillips @Henlips]

So embarrassing, I was just talking the talk with someone, but then I forgot to walk the walk after.

[Jay 24 @seattle24jay]

Me: hey babe, what's 4 dinner?
Wife: whatever is in the fridge.
Me thinking: I need to start stocking the fridge with cakes and pies.

[Jay 24 @seattle24jay]

The news was much better when @hueylewis controlled it