.

im not real

[Brew Hefner @brew1hefner]

L&B silver when you’re ready love

[cameron @camcrawford99]

Took 20 seconds of our lives that may save hundreds of others. This isn’t the flex you think it is

[zoë bread @zoebread]

my favourite whistlblow so far:
"the croissants tesco sell, (tesco finest at £2.50, all butter £1.50) & the organic one, are all the same croissant that they buy in bulk & put in the same oven. I have no proof of this but do with this information as you will"

[mr_eggs 🇵🇸 @scrumble_eggs]

My 9/11 conspiracy theory is that the first tower was an inside job and the second tower was just a crazy coincidence.

[7___7 @eIfen]

good morning

[Cherry Cowboy @cowdealer]

Drug dealer I met at a party showed me a huge ass map of his daily commute that avoided every flock camera

[ᒥᐦᑯ 🌸 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘺 🏳️‍⚧️ @redaskiy]

Working class mom

[Politics UK @PolitlcsUK]

🚨 NEW: Rachel Reeves confirms the Clacton by-election will go ahead

"It is a farce and a desperate distraction. But if he wants to spend the summer arguing with a bin, I won't stop him"

[Socialist News Media @Socialist_Wins]

Under a Socialist mayor, New York City has reported its fewest shootings and murders in its recorded history.

[NeoHana 🪿 @_NeoHana_]

IT'S BEEN 24 YEARS BUT I HAVE FINALLY BEEN VINDICATED

NO LONGER AM I THE ONE BLAMED FOR SETTING THE FAMILY LAPTOP ON FIRE IN 2002

MY DAD HAS ADMITTED THAT IT WAS HIS FAULT

NO LONGER WAS MY 30 MINUTES OF NEOPETS GAMING THE CAUSE OF IT CATCHING FIRE!

[ciara! :) @0nthewr0ngway]

"easyjet have sent an update on your flight"
me: oh god it's gonna be cancelled it's gonna be cancelled
easyjet:

[Alexander @arkadisch]

showed my Swedish pen pal this image and she thought it was an actual coup lol

[milo 🍎 @redapplecrisp]

i get so sad whenever i think about a player being traded like do you think they stay in the team groupchat for a bit or are they just immediately kicked out. and when are they added to their new teams groupchat

[i got limited again. can’t tweet ☹️☹️☹️ @Igbt127]

he sarcastically calls the people who correct him perfect instead of calling himself stupid for making a mistake. a lot to learn here

[Ciarán @androgynator]

every job in the uk is like
- army
- army
- care worker
- army
- care worker (relocate to dubai)
- army
- mri technologist specialising in incisionless neurosurgery
- care worker

[chris @ATR3lDES]

i actually hate that he’s extremely funny like im supposed to not like you

[cav empty @cavempty_]

my boss added a custom ai generated gif of me being mauled by a lion to our teams app and HR says they don’t have the ability to remove it

[constans @constans]

Amazing things are happening on X, the everything app

[Red @kitsuneredFES]

Kids today don't even torrent they just click Google Drive links on Twitter