Derek Chen

[Kevín @KevOnStage]

This is not a drill! Juvenile’s Tiny Desk is live. He did “Back that thang up” with the strings!

[Derek Chen @sfderek]

@MysterySolvent We doing Captchas recreationally now?

[Derek Chen @sfderek]

@CatWorkers

[David Roth @david_j_roth]

We are going to build something special here. We are going to instill a culture of winning. https://t.co/ZkROf7DSsK

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Minnesota Deploys National Guard Ahead Of Next Week’s Police Shooting https://t.co/05bI8BRMeg

[The Hoarse Whisperer @TheRealHoarse]

How Christian supremacy works:

If a mass shooter is Muslim, their faith explains their violence.

If they are Christian, it mitigates it.

[FOGHAT STAN @MikeMacRaeMike]

Starting to make sense that the central, most unifying symbol of Texas is a building where every single Texan was killed

[Dan Savage @fakedansavage]

While it's true Trump supporter Kevin Greeson didn't die of a heart attack after accidentally tasering himself in the balls, millions of hard-working, tax-paying Americans believe Greeson died of a heart attack after tasering himself in the balls and our voices must be heard.

[Bill Pascrell, Jr. 🇺🇸🇺🇦 @BillPascrell]

Terrorists ransacked the US Capitol and *hours later* 138-of-202 (68%) House republicans voted to make trump a dictator. Nothing they say about unity is worth a nickel. They tried to finish the rioters’ job and end democracy.

[Zack Bornstein @ZackBornstein]

Remember when Trump committed an impeachable offense five days ago, and now that’s not even a story, and you don’t even know which one I’m talking about

[Faith Salie @Faith_Salie]

I hosted a PBS show called Science Goes To The Movies for five seasons and was a Teaching Fellow for a quantum physics class in college...and I am here to say that parents and educators obsessed with prioritizing STEM over humanities can suck it, “suck it” being a term of art.

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

Promise?

[Mary L Trump @MaryLTrump]

Actually . . .

[Archived: Mayor Lori E. Lightfoot @mayorlightfoot]

The Constitution didn't even recognize me as a human being when it was first ratified. So, no, I am not a Constitutional originalist.

[Little Stevie On The Prairie @StevieOakley]

Damn I hope Kevin Bacon doesn't get Covid. That contact tracing would be insane..

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Man With 20 Rifles Can’t Remember If His Goal To Start Or Stop Violent Overthrow Of Government https://t.co/5P4qAVHEaw

[Conor Sen @conorsen]

If he were trying to lose the election what would he be doing differently?