SAM

we all need the clowns to make us smile

[dick snickers @smithsara79]

that’s me in the corner
that’s me in the spotlight

[Tony @tsm560]

My making fun of your cry for attention is my cry for attention. The irony is not lost on me

[Tony @tsm560]

Nice selfie. You look like a reject from Real Housewives of New Jersey

[Tony @tsm560]

She was rare, like a Corvette driver without a Tom Selleck mustache

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

Can’t believe how much time my parents spent teaching me what sounds barnyard animals make. I have almost never needed that as an adult.

[SAM @sgstamper]

@takeYourglory get a pet anteater it’s so simple

[SAM @sgstamper]

did you know that jigsaw puzzles are sooo easy when you’re drunk

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

Be happy. It really annoys negative people.

[SAM @sgstamper]

Nothing changes on New Years Day 🎵🖤

[Tony @tsm560]

If you can’t tell who the idiot is in any given situation it’s you.

[jo @whatsJo]

friend: *sends me link* watch this

me: *waits 3 minutes to respond* hilarious!

[Kristen @Kica333]

Friend 1: I go to the gym 4 days a week

Friend 2: I take healthy lunches to work everyday

Me: I eat over the sink so I don’t have to wash dishes

[SAM @sgstamper]

with every broken bone, I swear, I LIVED 🖤

[The Hummingbird 🐦 @SaysHummingbird]

Oh my. This is the best thing ever!

#TrumpShutdown

https://t.co/FrY5ZdLy2N

[Lynnette @luvspugs]

After the whole, “Baby it’s Cold Outside” thing, this is an important PSA. We’ve gone mad as a country.

[jo @whatsJo]

[I dont get invited to a party]

me: shit

[I get invited to a party]

me: Shit.

[Tony @tsm560]

She’s emotionally distant and hates small talk. You can’t ask for more than that in a woman.

[schmox @IvoryGazelle]

Opening up a food truck that sells six different styles of hot dogs and one hamburger and naming it “they can’t all be wieners”