♠️

c'est pas faux

[Zweil @somethings_awry]

I love cooking and baking but what I'm really good at is turning a 45 minute recipe into a two and a half hour struggle for my life

[🌸عفوية @inadzs]

Vous savez le radar à 70 il va pas vous rajouter un point si vous ralentissez à 50 devant

[Beeka @beekaberryt]

circle so small that when my phone rings i know its scammers

[Marvin 🐝 @MarvL91]

PAS DE CLIGNOTANT QUAND VOUS ALLEZ TOUT DROIT TANT QUE VOUS N'AVEZ PAS PASSÉ LA 1ERE SORTIE MERCI VOUS N'ETES PAS DES POIDS LOURDS

[໊ @wynavira]

FUCKKKKKKK what if something bad happened and i forgot to worry about it

[JT @jiratickets]

How those first few minutes of the morning hit before you inevitably have to open a Microsoft application

[📖🎧 @inkandseerah]

me suspecting every character in a murder mystery book and then saying "I knew it" once the murderer is revealed.

[Soleil @soleiljolina]

I am a friend to all cats, even the little mean ones. They have their reasons

[chase @_chase_____]

having the hiccups will truly reveal which of your friends worship at the alter of science and reason (suggest holding your breath until the hiccups go away) and which of your friends will try to “scare them out of you” like a fanatical priest from the 1800s

[Vivian @suchnerve]

(threateningly) i am going to make a spreadsheet

[GHOST @LordGhost____]

I like driving by myself so l can play the same 1 song 36 times with no complaints

[𐌕 @fwtimini]

If Netflix cancels a show, they should be required by law to release an essay about what was supposed to happen next.

[Timothee ? @SbMCQoE]

en vrai la prochaine fois ils devraient faire des bulletins 6x plus grands et des enveloppes 7x plus petites

[Rosa Rosam @intwittoveritas]

On attend le NumérOvaire.

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

Just read a book about a detective who solves crimes purely by chance. Sheerluck Holmes.

[angie @sweetangelette]

please use "okay" instead of "ok" cus okay is happy and ok is mean and evil

[stargirl @ono4si]

using * to correct my mistakes instead of editing the text cus i’m a real one

[🤠 @heavensbvnny]

People who upload menu photos to the google maps listings of restaurants are the backbone of society.

[Encyclopaedia Britannica @Britannica]

No cap, if the tree slays, the apple slays not far from it.