Sam Day

Here for a safe and responsible time not a long time.

[Sam Day @shamday_]

A group of genius contestants living together trying to identify who is the one idiot faking smart. The twist: they are all idiots faking smart.

[Sam Day @shamday_]

There are only three films I consider perfect: The Godfather, The Godfather Part II, and Cool Runnings

[Sam Day @shamday_]

Found out my girl goes to a gynecologist. Not anymore. GALnecologist only from now on.

[Sam Day @shamday_]

Friday night tacos because, unlike you sheep, I do not let alliteration govern my dining

[Sam Day @shamday_]

Just put on a grocery getting clinic. Executed the whole list from one end of the store to the other no - doubling back. It was surgical.

[Sam Day @shamday_]

I can’t prove it but I think the government is putting taller and taller people around me to make me feel small

[Sam Day @shamday_]

When you’re hammered everything looks like a nail

[Sam Day @shamday_]

He could walk on water. I’m sure he could dunk.

[Sam Day @shamday_]

@WeRegret2022 Skulled

[Sam Day @shamday_]

Prison rules beach volley ball

[Sam Day @shamday_]

All aboard !!!

[Sam Day @shamday_]

Me to my son: “you can be anything you want to be. Just not a hibachi chef.”

[Sam Day @shamday_]

Hey guys, need help with my next purchase. Should I get AirPods or a pen?

[Sam Day @shamday_]

We’re going down down dolulularunh

[Sam Day @shamday_]

@njdrummerboy @Newportfolkfest I will buy (2) from you at face value if transfers are available. DM me if you’re interested.

[Sam Day @shamday_]

@_jilluminati No

[Sam Day @shamday_]

In my metrosexual era recently*

*i’ve been showering daily

[Sam Day @shamday_]

All these James Webb space photos but not one photo of him with a bitch

[Joey Burrow @JoeyB]

I wish the jamaican man in yeezus had more parts

[Sam Day @shamday_]

Me after getting a positive covid result: “oh I had an everything bagel this morning”