Shit Austin Says

She's a peacock, you gotta let her fly

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

“A gay, a lesbian, and a straight guy walk into a bar”

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

“My extremedies are always cold because of alcohol. I mean because I’m tall”

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

“This was a great idea when we started, but now that I wake up in the morning I hate all of you”

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

Wait, should we all cry? #shitaudisays

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

Was I telling a story? #shitaudisays

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

They were like 17 in my eyes alright #shitaudisays

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

Bo: "well we tried every liquor store" Austin: "well we tried three and assumed the other five were closed" #shitaudisays

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

These teas aren't doing it for me, I need some rye or some shit #shitaudisays

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

@HannahIsItalian he's a hilarious human being and he doesn't even know it

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

Who uses passwords? You gotta put that in when you get a text and you're driving #shitaudisays

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

Hey Justin, do you remember my Sherpa named Yimyum? #shitaudisays

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

3 or 4? Shit make it a week. You only turn whatever you guys are turning once. #shitaudisays

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

"I didn't fuck her, I just diced her bin" #shitaudisays ##classyasfuck

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

S-"Are you pickin out all the pretzels?" A-"I am not, I'm just trying to get a good combination" #shitaudisays #munchies

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

"Like I wasn't wheelin or anything" #drunkproblems

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

"You need drinkin', everyone could use a drink now and then" #AAmeetings #ryewhiskeyryewhiskeyryewhiskeyicry

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

"I've seen his fists, they're not that big." #shitaudisays

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

"You told Tracey!? Now she's going to question my morals..." #shitaudisays

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

"He put me on the Ponoka sluts page!" #classic #howdowegetaustinontheactualpage

[Shit Austin Says @shitaudisays]

"Let me tell you about my expedition to mount everest. We had a sherpa named YimYum, all one word." #whatareyoutalkingabout #shitaudisays