825 Tweets

sorry

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

Maybe when she sees my car all covered in bird shit she’ll want to fuck me

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

I’m obliged to declare that I am highly susceptible to puppet magic

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

Let the record show that Mr.tweets (me) declares this as the turning point of the Russo-Ukrainian war

[OSINTtechnical @Osinttechnical]

New footage confirms that an errant Russian surface to air missile was responsible for the tank roof toss at the Moscow Oil Refinery this morning.

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

it ain’t catch on yet, but trust me…
next thing gonna be butt hooping.
look it up.

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

[boys throwing makeshift Molotov cocktails into the forest]

Forest fire investigator: yes, this was caused by one lit cigarette

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

Guys with yellow cars: look at me I’m driving around a banana!

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

if I ever saw jim carrey i would say “hey jim, grinch the shit out of me”
and then i would proceed to get my shit grinched. hard.

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

Shittle. It’s like spackle but it’s brown and it’s stinky

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

Major progress over the past 2 years.
Gum Tower has exceeded half of the drawer height in which it resides. After corrective action on day 91 there have been no subsequent failures. Both management and HR remain unaware of gum tower’s existence.

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

Gum Tower
-day 91
structural failure
action: additional foundation reinforcement

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

Lightning lowkey pretty gay how it always tryna hit that rod

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

Lightning guy: worlds… biggest… lightning rod

CEO: [furiously taking notes] that could work

LG: collapsible telescoping lightning rod

CEO: that could actually hit hard

LG: …the pocket rod

CEO: [stops taking notes] I hereby promote you to CEO and simultaneously resign

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

Lightning guy: currently we have no lightning rods in development or in production. I propose we change this

CEO: and who are you?

LG: just call me LG

CEO: isn’t the lightning rod market saturated?

LG: get this… customizable lightning rods

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

Oil is renewable.

No one talks about this because they kept it under the radar when they found the prehistoric mosquito trapped in amber, but they are mass cloning dinosaurs and pressing them like olives to get the oil out.

[Pepsi @pepsibong]

I like that everyone is just retarded now it’s really cool

[Old Man Rattle @oldrattle_]

i met mr beast
she’s black

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

Clicking a video of a kid riding his penny-farthing and thinking: “I wanna see this kid annihilate himself on the penny-farthing”

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

@JerryPikePhoto @NASASpaceflight Taken at 1:47pm yesterday

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

Fucked up and frankly offensive portrayal of the cyclops by the WOKE saturday night live. Very unfunny and embarrassing for SNL writers to poke fun at the single-sighted. Check your binocular privilege!

[Saturday Night Live @nbcsnl]

only a riddle stands between them and treasure

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

I’m a flightless bird

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

I gotta go pissy wissy in the toily woily

[825 Tweets @shittyinterface]

Every school in New York State teaches you how to beat box in sixth grade and I don’t know why that’s so hard for out-of-staters to understand