Cabo 🍳🇺🇸

Enough of the bullshit.

Read me and weep:

[Cabo 🍳🇺🇸 @Shot_Of_Cabo]

I have my people.

You have your people.

Fuck you and your people.

[Willie @FrankieBuIIshit]

That is not the account you are looking for; you can go about your business. Move along.

[OneToothTeXan @OneToothTeXan]

I've had girlfriends less annoying than the voices in my head.

[Marcmywords @Marcmywords2]

I’m not too proud to admit it…obviously that Tweet peaked in my drafts folder.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

Leftover fried pickles for breakfast because the breading is like cereal, the pickle is sort of like fruit, and the Ranch is like milk.

[Willie @FrankieBuIIshit]

I like every single thing you’ve ever posted.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

Temperature settings on my in-laws’ thermostat:
1. Mango plantation
2. Pompeii City Center
3. Manhattan Project

(I deleted this old tweet accidentally. You may have heard the scream. Anyway, here it is again.)

[Cyanide & Shamrocks @x_Graveheart_x]

Tonight on Tubi:

[Willie @FrankieBuIIshit]

If you’re gonna leave the least you could do is take me with you

[Marcmywords @Marcmywords2]

I’ve been here so long, some of my Tweets have Tweets of their own, I have Grandtweets.

[Willie @FrankieBuIIshit]

*shushes you
*turns up Sultans of Swing

[Rubsomedirtonit™️ @_rubdirtonit]

mixing paint at Home Depot I don’t work here no one cares

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

Skipping is confident. Skippers aren't running away.

[Darla @ddsmidt]

I'm not worried about anything at the moment and now that I think about it, that worries me.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

I'm not going to enable a lazy otter. Now, take this clam, smack it with a rock, and chew it with your mouth open.

[GrossHopper @AGStr8upNinja]

I give women compliments for food. That's right girl, you make me a casserole.

[GrossHopper @AGStr8upNinja]

It's nice that Taylor Swift finally found true love in Travis Kelce. I'm going to pull out my tarot cards, mirrors, salts and predict her next single will be about "Pegging".

[Marcmywords @Marcmywords2]

One man’s haters are another man’s reply guys.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

I'm a pretty empathetic person but I will always laugh at a reel in which someone doing something stupid accidentally sets themselves on fire.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

*whispering*
Hey Babe...Babe! Wake up. *shaking gently*
*still whispering*
The line "Marconi plays the mamba" doesn't make sense because a mamba is a snake...I think they meant "mambo."

[Willie @FrankieBuIIshit]

We’re not here for a long time so butter both sides of your bread.