Ellen😈

Work, eat, tweet, sleep, repeat.

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

If you ever take a child to the ER and they try to give them ANY iv medication, ask them what the weight-based dosing is. They should be able to tell you exactly how much your kid weighs and how much med they’re giving per pound or kilogram.

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

@ChipotleTweets really disappointed. The bot gave me 2 free sides of guac but that doesn’t help me this time. How does a chipotle run out of guac?

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

@AkronJackson I’m going to ask if the Cavs would have played better if the Browns had kept Baker Mayfield

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

@clubmoss_ @SUEtheTrex Green flag

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

Here we are again, each year worse than the last.

Do you remember when you joined TWITTER? I do! #MyTWITTERAnniversary

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

Channeling my anger at a coworker who didn’t have my back with a nurse by doing some some art therapy

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

I bought a pair of high rise straight leg jeans and they’re the most comfortable pants I’ve ever worn. The transformation into my mother is nearly complete.

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

Trying to get chat gpt to write a cover letter for me and there seems to be a pretty wide gap between “formal” and “a little less formal”.

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

Yes, I did go grocery shopping while hungry and PMSing. How could you tell?

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

I checked my purchase history. It’s been in there for over a month.

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

Live look at me opening my trunk to put in the paper towels I just bought only to discover a pack of paper towels already in there.

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

Today I saw a Great Dane trotting through my neighborhood, dragging a man on a skateboard behind him. There was no other way the dude could’ve kept up.

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

Nothing more humbling than a 7 year old absolutely laying into you for saying egg-zotic when he asked what E-X-O-T-I-C spells.

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

@clairetmars Yes. So much yes.

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

Also, like it’s not 100% her own fault she’s not allowed in the bedroom when I’m not home.

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

The alarm goes off and I start getting ready for work. The dog sits up and lets out an obnoxious whiny yawn like she’s the one that has to go to work in 11° weather to provide for the family and not moving from the bed to the couch to go back to sleep.

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

Hey Browns fans,

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

We have an ER doc named Romano. He’s kind of a dick. I don’t know what he looks like so I will only think of him as this:

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

I am an adult who likes Disney but I am not a Disney Adult. There is a difference.

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

Happy New Year!

Today I’m going to ring in the new year by getting shitfaced and listening to SadFM, easy listening for the over 30s.

[Ellen😈 @shouvley]

Wordle 917 3/6*

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This is a fun one