KEVIN

[George T. Diano @georgediano]

Andrew Kibe has tried almost every career path known to mankind in his relentless mission to outrun poverty. If hustling were an Olympic sport, this man would have more gold medals than Faith Kipyegon. According to Kibe himself, there was a time he served as a Ben Kumi, living the luxurious life of a well-fed Chihuahua under the sponsorship of a lady much older than him.

His daily job description was to Chew mukombero, munch njugu, and supply high-voltage electricity without an iota of blackouts. When that chapter closed, our boy graduated to becoming an evangelist.

Together with the legendary pulpit commander Robert Burale, they became specialists in overnight prayer sessions where miracles were expected. The kind of miracles that would leave church members wondering where their innerwear had disappeared to by morning.

Even the angels were reportedly requesting transfers. It's said the ladies were closing their eyes with the hope of touching God's hands only to open their eyes & find their hands touching kibe’s third arm with Urwaro missing,, Chesaa!!

When the offering basket became lighter than a feather, Kibe switched careers again and discovered his God-given talent of annoying people professionally. He ventured into content creation before landing at NRG Radio alongside Kamene Goro.

The man was so entertaining that Kiss FM came calling with a salary rumored to be worth over half a million shillings a month. Life was sweet until he allegedly started behaving like the radio station was renting space in his house. Coming to work late, intoxicated, and acting like HR was his personal assistant eventually caught up with him.

As they say, no employee is bigger than the company, and your replacement is always one phone call away. Before listeners could even finish saying “ Mr Lambistic”, Jalang'o had already warmed the seat. Like every modern hustler, he opened a YouTube channel, pulling millions of views and even claiming he once pocketed about $70,000 in revenue.

Then life pressed the Skip Ad button. His channel disappeared after feminist reported it to YouTube, and suddenly even putting food on the table became a challenge. Next stop was the United States. The streets claimed he had gone for greener pastures.

But the gossipers claimed he had found another vintage baddie where his work was to supply high voltage electricity to the mumama for survival. Whichever version you choose to believe, our horizontal engineer cum podcaster eventually returned home ready to launch his own streaming platform, Ya-Africa.

Unfortunately, Kenyans treated the subscription button the same way they treat gym memberships in January,, lots of promises, zero commitment. The platform stalled before it could even leave the parking lot. Not one to surrender, Kibe reinvented himself once again,, and this time as an author.

He released 28 Commandments, but marketing a book that heavily criticizes women to a market where women buy a huge share of books is like opening a butchery in a vegetarian convention.

Sales crawled slower than Nairobi traffic on a rainy Monday. He found himself touring counties, organizing pool tournaments just to convince people to buy a copy.

Now, after trying radio, podcasts, YouTube, church, books, streaming, and every hustle in between, our boy has entered the celebrity boxing arena, hoping to exchange hot takes for hot punches. He's set to face Peter Salasya in Obinna's Vurugu Boxing event.

At this point, Kibe's CV doesn't need updating, it needs Volume One and Volume Two. If resilience were taxable, KRA would have already frozen his account. As a man, you need to always reinvent yourself like Kibe. No time to complain, you do everything to escape that thing called poverty. Kama kawa sisi walala hoii hatuna maoni, Letu Jicho tu.👀

[Somalianbae🇸🇴🇰🇪 @adan_zamuh]

Kibe edits huwa fire😂😂😂

[Francis Gaitho @FGaitho237]

The Great Reckoning: George Aladwa’s Rapid Downfall

From here, it’s all downhill for Makadara MP George Aladwa. There is no escape.
Beyond his reckless lifestyle finally catching up with him, he is now facing the brutal crossroads of consequence.

All the CDF money he embezzled over the years - funds that could have built parks, playgrounds, streetlights, and other social amenities to promote an active lifestyle for both himself and his constituents - is now manifesting painfully in his rapidly failing health.

At just 57 years old, Aladwa is already knocking on the door of Kenya’s official life expectancy of around 64.

This is the direct result of broken enforcement systems, rampant corruption, and a completely collapsed healthcare sector.

If he fails to secure any seat in next year’s elections and loses that juicy parliamentary health insurance cover, he will almost certainly die at the mercy of Kenya’s dilapidated public hospitals.

We keep warning these corrupt politicians - especially the MPigs who collect bribes in toilets to pass colonial, defective, and oppressive laws - that their actions will come back to bite them, but they never listen.

Karma these days is digital and unforgiving. The era when Daniel arap Moi could loot the country and still live past 90 is long gone.

Even William Ruto’s karma is already doing press-ups. There is simply no way you can oppress Kenyans every single day and still expect to live your best life.

Look at Aladwa now - meek, subdued, and visibly tormented by failing organs and the terrifying realization of his own mortality. Look at Esther Passaris, clearly distressed that another pillar of ODM’s manufactured wave of popularity is on his deathbed.

The great reckoning is here. All the stolen funds will ultimately terminate in the grave.

The people of Kenya will get good governance - whether the political class, the corrupt church, the mainstream (githeri) media, or the Western diplomats who coordinated abductions, extrajudicial killings, and persecution of critics like it or not.

[KEVIN @simiyukevin123]

@_Screechy_ @_MissVivie Correct

[Tasha 😋💦 @Tasha1644]

So I heard there's Nigerian porn now, is that true??

[KEVIN @simiyukevin123]

@robie474 Luos and Kalenjins.

[𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐢✰ @_timiszn]

petite girls with oversized breast are really beautiful.

[KEVIN @simiyukevin123]

@RigDiesel @_fels1 Senator William Wamalwa died in 1976 when Eugene was already 6 yrs old.

[KEVIN @simiyukevin123]

@Lifeof_AG01 Santiago

[LANDLORD🇰🇪 @bozgabi]

Mnipee mix kali kali ya Reggae yenye DJ haongei katikati Please. Let's do a thread...

[KEVIN @simiyukevin123]

@amerix Eastlands Umoja

[Dr. Miguna Miguna @MigunaMiguna]

OBURU OGINGA

Oburu Oginga is the only living human being who claims to have obtained a PhD from the U.S.S.R. (now Russia), without stating the field of study, and who upon return to Kenya more than 50 years ago, never taught even in Primary School.

Oburu has never published even a one stanza poem to his lovely wives. (Maybe the Midusa The Cat will start penning newspaper articles for him to make him look like a Russian PhD which never landed).

When I was a child up to the time I joined the University of Nairobi, Oburu was a full-time drunkard in Mombasa, before he was NOMINATED a Councillor.

In 1982, when Jaramogi, Raila and others were being arrested and persecuted by Moi, Oburu hid among the Giriama like an envelope.

It was not after Jaramogi died and Raila started working with the Moi tyranny that Oburu was rehabilitated and soon found himself IMPOSED on the people of Bondo, then Siaya.

Despite the political CAPITAL of The Jaramogi name, Oburu never rose beyond being “The elder brother of Raila Odinga.”

In 2007/7, 2017/18 and from 2022, onwards, it was Oburu and someone I will not mention today, who constantly insisted that Raila had to BETRAY the Kenyan people for 30 miserable pieces of silver.

Ruto has bought Oburu Oginga very cheaply. He was one of the charlatans Bishop Ongijo was sounding alarms on.

I’ve said it. Now, cowards, charlatans, hypocrites and opportunists are free to wail.

The People’s Patriotic Coalition marches on. Viva!

[Maverick Aoko @AokoOtieno_]

Bro,

Kumbe ni wivu na uchungu husumbua mbongi on issue yangu na Mbadi?

I Don't and has Never sold pussy. I fuck for pleasure not rent

Ask him,

That's the one area I'll always be better than your mother

She sold vaginal mucus and her profit was a low IQ poor fool,

You!

[Ja Siaya™🇰🇪 @unsulliedwarior]

Kibe is a prophet

[Ch●k●sh°💀 @iamennoh]

Trending clips of men getting caught red-handed with other men’s wives are pure chaos
The aftermath? Deadly 💔

Watch⤵️

[Gabriel Oguda @gabrieloguda]

The headlines story in today's Nation newspaper reads like a movie script from a Hollywood blockbuster.

In July 2024, Edge Worth Company Ltd registered for the sole purposes of extracting sand for building and construction purposes, receives a letter from the Kenya Revenue Authority (KRA) asking them to explain some discrepancy from their tax returns emanating from supplying sand towards the construction of the Nairobi Expressway project.

Ideally, the tax dispute was a small matter that had arisen due to a misinterpretation of terms, and which should've been resolved by Edge Worth internal auditors opening up their encyclopedia to clarify whether they should categorize the cost incurred by levelling its land as a business enterprise when calculating the taxes due to KRA.

After harvesting sand that went to the Expressway Project, Edge Worth invited KRA to confirm they had submitted returns due to the first sand harvesting project for the sole purposes of closing their books, give them a clean bill of health so they could level their land back to its original state for the purposes of using the land for another business - this time to plant hay.

In the first assessment of Edge Worth's Properties' books of accounts, KRA found nothing suspicious and told them to proceed to submit their final tax returns so they could amicably move on to other important things, but when the final statement of accounts arrived, the KRA assessors discovered something suspicious with certain line items, raised the red flag and asked everyone to drop whatever they were doing and find a fine toothcomb to run through the books again.

And bang, there it was hiding in plain sight.

Ms Rose Ngote, who at the time was the only registered shareholder of Edge Worth Ltd was summoned to explain why in her books of accounts she had issued interest-free loans to its shareholders yet at the time of the KRA's investigations, Ms Ngote was the only listed sole shareholder of the company.

The KRA deemed this to mean that Ms Ngote was issued with the loans, which it deemed to be fringe benefits that should've been subjected to Pay As You Earn tax. The KRA went ahead and issued a demand for Sh249.2 million in unpaid taxes in July 2024.

That demand is what opened a can of worms, forcing the company to do what it has been avoiding by padding its ownership structure with proxy shareholders - step into the light and unmasking the real beneficiaries behind the multibillion Nairobi Expressway project.

That's when KRA discovered, that Edge Worth Properties, the company which won the tender to supply sand towards the building of the Nairobi Expressway and which declared a dividend of 1 billion shillings in 2022, was a proxy of the Kenyatta family. In 2022 alone, Edge Worth declared dividends payable to its sole shareholder, Enke Investments, as Sh1 billion.

And who owns Enke Investments?

According to the story in the Nation, Former First Lady Mama Ngina Kenyatta, her son Muhoho Kenyatta and Goodison Trust Corporation are listed as the owners of Enke Investments Ltd, each with 1.333 million shares.

Another former First Lady Margaret Kenyatta Gakuo holds two sets of shares in Goodison Trust Corporation - the first batch totals 253,300 shares which records show were held in trust for her brother-in-law, Muhoho Kenyatta.

The second batch of shares totals 190,100 shares. Mama Ngina holds one share in Goodison Trust Corporation. Uhuru's children, John Jomo Kamau Kenyatta and Ngina Kenyatta, each hold 253,300 shares.

If these figures are dizzying, it's because they are. But you can grab a copy of today's Nation and read the story for yourself. Or you can grab a scientific calculator and calculate the actual cost of democracy outside eternal vigilance.

Hi, Cousins.

[Eric @amerix]

The Hierarchy of Relationships:

God is supreme,

Under him, is Man,

Under man, is woman,

Under woman, are children.

A man gets God's blessings ONLY if he submits to God. Similarly, a woman ONLY gets a man's attention if he submits to the man.

Children can only eat food, dress well, and go to school if they submit to the mother.

The mother presents the children's requests to their father, and the father provides for them.

The father presents the family's requests to God, and God blesses the family.

This is the natural order of relationships.

The modern world attempts to usurp this order, and it has led to chaos.

Clap for MEN.

#ManDay

[Hon.Moses Kuria,HSC @HonMoses_Kuria]

This evening I have met my boss and my friend President William Ruto. The President has graciously accepted my decision to resign from government. I thank President Ruto for having given me an opportunity to serve as Cabinet Secretary for Investments, Trade and Industry for 11 months, Public Service, Delivery and Performance Management for 9 months and Senior Evomomic Advisor for the last 10 months. As I move on to pursue personal interests I am proud of the work the President and I did to implement the Bottom Up Economic Transformation Agenda which I designed together with the President as our 2022 Electoral Platform. Long Live Kenya

[Maverick Aoko @AokoOtieno_]

Bitter that a Girl found him on X and became more relevant

Negro tweeting sewage while hiding kama clit ya Transgender

Has to consult the mirror for assurance that his dick still exists,

Shape ka Chura ina ovulate

Mgongo na Matako imeshikana kuliko opposition ya Kenya 🤮

[James @MrJamesKe]

Unlike ruto, we deliver our promise. One goon was gracefully apprehended by our ever helpful team. After a warm session of free guidance and counselling, he’s now a proud ambassador of peace and personal growth. Reforming like never before!
#JusticeForAlbertOjwang