simonbarnes

Dad of Hannah and Alice and Henry in no particular order. except age

[Bally's Boots @BallysBoots]

I know some of you may think I’m showing off, but when you work hard, you deserve to treat yourself. I can’t express how happy I’m feeling right now. White was the only colour they had, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve just bought these four garden chairs and can’t wait until summer.

[simonbarnes @simonbarnes3]

@simonharris_mbd Red Dwarf

[💂🏻‍♀️👋🏻вєαя🍻🇬🇧™ @BigBearF1]

I know it's a long shot but does anyone know what a trebuchet is ?

[The Dad Joke Man @DadJokeMan]

I was on a train and this woman opposite looked at me and said “Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place...”
I asked “Are you single??”
She replied “No, I’m a dentist.”

#MondayMorning

[The Dad Joke Man @DadJokeMan]

This is a picture of my Hawaiian pizza.
It should have been cooked at aloha temperature...

[Dad Pickup Line @dadpickupline]

My wife called and asked me to get the chicken thighs out of the freezer. I told her we don’t have any chicken thighs in the freezer so she said she’d check when she gets home- your thoughts and prayers are appreciated

[Joe Wilkinson @gillinghamjoe]

ok this is my limit

[The Dad Joke Man @DadJokeMan]

I’m thinking of organising a hide & seek competition.

But good players are so hard to find...

#thursdaymorning

[The Dad Joke Man @DadJokeMan]

“Please don’t make me go into space again!”

#VirginOrbit

[The Dad Joke Man @DadJokeMan]

I went to see a UB40 tribute act called ‘WD40’ last night.

They were a bit rusty at first but got better as the evening went on…

[Nic J @tismenic70]

Went to the national Helium Museum ...

I really can’t speak highly enough about the place!
#SideSplittingSunday

[The Dad Joke Man @DadJokeMan]

I saw Sinead O’Connor in a birdwatching hide yesterday.

I asked her what kind of activity she’d seen...

She replied “It’s been seven owls and fifteen jays....”

#NationalBirdDay

[The Dad Joke Man @DadJokeMan]

I was once in a band called ‘The Radiators’, we were a warm up act.
Then I joined ‘The Duvets’, we mainly did covers.
After that, I was in an outfit called ‘Cats Eyes’, mostly middle of the road stuff.
Now I'm in a group called ‘Missing Cat’, you may have seen our posters...

[Historic Vids @historyinmemes]

Kazakhstan language is the sound of diesel engine trying to start up in -40 degrees

[Viz Comic @vizcomic]

Subscriptions >>> https://t.co/Isc83nFq3G

[The Dad Joke Man @DadJokeMan]

I bumped into Depeche Mode in Tesco and they handed me a small bag of Babybels...

“What are these for?” I asked

“Your own personal cheeses”.

#thursdaymorning

[The Dad Joke Man @DadJokeMan]

My friends name is ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

It’s pronounced “Noel.”