Simón Díce

Slinging babies

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

I wonder if Panera has bat soup

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

‘Tis the season of sharing Spotify metrics that no one gives a rats ass about 🎅 the holidays have arrived

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

Just pan fried bacon shirtless…
… to see if I still feel

Johnny Cash - Hurt

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

“Tomatoes are actually a fruit” was the biggest flex in elementary school

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

Capers = vegan dinkleberries

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

Definitely a Tobias fit

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

Next tattoo?

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

@AnnaleiseClaire Happened to me as well, just pullin waaaay to hard I guess

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

I feel like my grammar is above average till affect and effect come to fuck me in the ass

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

Lightweights get wayy to much hate. < less liquor consumption < less calories < same effect = where’s the L?

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

Looking for investors for my upcoming screenplay Despicable Meat, which focuses on the hardships of erectile dysfunction.

GoFundMe link in bio!

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

Got too high an took a full shower with AirPods in but luckily they’re alright 🗿

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

Hi my names perata and I can fix your depression

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

Lady Gaga’s two French bulldog’s got kidnapped, $500k reward... this is news

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

Porn comment sections are undefeated

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

Spam F in the chat

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

Bout to be a bean shortage

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

@mookiefraxton Don’t want that Diet Coke, she on that coke diet

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

Ya that hot tub is nice, but does it have bubble jets solely meant for ass penetration?

[Simón Díce @simonlindz]

Personally I think Wilson should’ve won best actor in Castaway