smartasswaitress

Waitressing for 21 years. Every time I think I've seen it all, I'm unpleasantly surprised. But I'll tell you alllll about it.

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

@Rebeslc thank you..it was a tough week...

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

@server_diaries i had two other staff called in sick that day, it was a bad day. but thank you.

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

What is it about spring that makes people turn into assholes?

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

Last time you were in you had a five minute rant on the speed of your $5 special ...what makes you think I want you in my section now?

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

If you do not know how to behave in a public place such as a restaurant... Please stay home and eat Campbell's Soup ... we'd appreciate it

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

You know ... if you say you are never coming back to this restaurant... can you just stick to that resolution?

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

Congratulations! You are the biggest douchebag of the day ... as your award you get an extra 15% added to your bill... and don't come back

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

Sir if you don't understand that your drink comes out in the order it was received.. And not the fact that you are the biggest asshole ...

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

The day when you have to put your pet down... And your customer calls you out on not being perky enough #postalwaitress

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

@BelowTheSalt sorry about that, I'll check it out and see what's happening!

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

A whiskey sour and make it a stiff one. A double, sir? No, stiff. Why don't you just say you want extra alcohol free of charge then, sir?

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

*take water to table* Can I have a straw? *return with straw* and a lemon? *return with lemon* she wants a lemon too. *return with gun*

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

suddenly noticed I'm the only one on the floor...wtf? how is it possible 5 people all need a smoke break AT THE SAME TIME? #seriously?

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

there are nights everything flows as smooth as chocolate syrup. then there's nights like tonight. #sigh.

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

of all the people in the world who are so horrible they'll burn in hell (hitler, amin, hussein) i firmly believe our head cook is going down

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

of course I'm fluent in sarcasm. I'm a waitress.

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

sometimes i wish we could give customers tips based on THEIR performance.

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

To the gentleman who handed me his grandchild and said you watch him while we eat. #ainthappening #workinggirl

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

i love when a customer sees the "please wait to be seated" sign and breezes by. I wait til they sit and then say oh no! that one's reserved!

[smartasswaitress @smartasswaitres]

well no, it's not ok that you bring in a chocolate cake for grandma's birthday. Oh, you're willing to give me a piece? Let's party.