Smartcookie the Prophet

will break you in half and dunk you in milk

[I Hate Jack Berger @Venusofdetroit]

Job advice be like: You’re just not sucking the employers’ dick hard enough!

[donnie @donnieplath]

I need “tops with a gigantic ass” as a common porn category

[Old Man Rattle @oldrattle_]

white people start biting their parents when mr brightside comes on

[Ernest Strawfield @FKAGEORGEY]

Yall bitches playing chess while I’m eating checkers

[rebekah @rebekah_e_s]

it is heartening to know ap european history student humor is alive and well

[Mostly Peaceful Cat @MaxPaxCat]

A morbidly obese ten year old has been relentlessly riding his bike around my neighborhood recently. I thought "good for him" but I just realized the little fat bastard isn't pedaling.

What kind of imbecile parents get their pre-teen fatass an e-bike?

[malakai @saintpatties]

if yo car ugly it dont need to be loud we dgaf how fast that chum bucket is

[pororoca @pororocaheart]

not blocking porn bots that follow me cause i highkey need that follow

[logan @logwim]

My life goal is to leave my mom in the hood

[daniful @islandderss]

When slow oomf posts a random cohesive think piece and it’s like wait

[superangel @a652800]

how it feels to scroll past ragebait on the tl

[clintoris @clintoris]

The wealth gap is so bad that even gay guys don’t have money anymore

[huffy @sulkingtime]

me when i'm a dumb asshole pretending to be a reed for camouflage but i'm in the middle of a parking lot

[Crispy 🍎 @gaytwinkfaggot]

In the sixties a 90 cent movie ticket would get you straight esophagus from a bitch named betty

[kaycey | ahs spoilers @dykellisto]

american horror story used to have lily rabe play satan and now it’s some blonde dude with a jawline that can’t act