Zenya Smith

London dweller. Can sometimes be found writing things, but mostly I just tweet UberEats asking where my food is.

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

Why should my notice period start from when YOU acknowledged my email? Why am I paying extra because of your slow customer service? Oh and I just checked and my subscription is STILL active 😩

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

@ODEONHelp Please can someone cancel my limitless subscription?!? I put in the request in April. Didn't get a response until June, which said because of the 30 day notice period I'd be billed until June. But I gave notice in April?

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

@RadioX @reefband @EdGambleComedy @matthewcrosby @GlobalPlayer The start is dangerously close to 'hello dave' territory.

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

@glpginfo Are you gonna keep the downstairs as a pub, or rip out one or the best pubs in Streatham to make it into unaffordable small 1 bed flats that no one wants?

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

@EE this has been going on for nearly a week, barely enough signal to make a phone call. Considering you increased bills 3.9% above the rate of inflation 2 months ago, could you explain why I'm now paying a premium for a phone I can't use?

[Mollie Goodfellow @hansmollman]

Can’t he just wear his coat

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

Insta influencer culture during a cost of living crisis feels a bit gross right?! Like your whole vibe is 'go buy all this expensive, unnecessary stuff that i got for free - so I can make money and continue getting sent more free stuff. Sorry no.

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

[After leaving Willy Wonka’s factory]
ME:
WIFE:
ME:
WIFE:
ME:
WIFE: Lot of deaths for a to—
ME: A LOT of deaths for a tour!

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

@IvanBrett I politely request a do-over with the inclusion of 'the parting gift'.

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

Aaron is such a precious bean.
I want Theo to be my friend.
Emotional finale.
All in all, 10/10 television. (Although Ivan was done a dirty, he would have been ace in the last few episodes) #TheTraitors

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

Next series, I wish there was a way they could make an alternative cut of #TheTraitors without the Traitors' bits, so we could all play along at home. I still find myself saying 'oooh you sound suspicious' and I KNOW who they are.

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

@SW_Help From Clapham junction to Farnham

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

@SW_Help hello is your journey planner working? Trying to see if I can get home for Xmas with the strikes but no trains seem to be available to Farnham from Clapham on the 24th and only one is showing for 18.39 on the 23rd?

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

@SW_Help Ok, is there more than one train running on the 23rd? As I can only see the 18.39 one?

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

"pertaining to" is doing an astronomical amount of heavy lifting in that announcement video. Unless I somehow missed the time Trump went to space, and for some reason...rode an elephant through a desert? #Trumpcards

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

@elisjames At a Lionesses match someone kept shouting 'PRESSURE!', which I think is genius.

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

@LuckyWaster @instreatham @ODEONCinemas Incredible. "Should we hold this event in the dedicated event venue 2 mins from the cinema?"..."Nah no need".

[ACORN the union @ACORNunion]

When you ask your landlord if it might be possible for them to arrange for some simple repairs to be carried out

[Zenya Smith @smith_zenya]

"Why did you think a giant bubble would stop them?"
"Because, shut up, that's why"

[The Telegraph @Telegraph]

📽️Outsized baubles from a Christmas display have caused chaos on London's Tottenham Court Road after rolling into traffic.

Read more here ⬇️
https://t.co/cjNdyy0Bqi

[Simpsons Albums @SimpsonsAlbums]

Car Seat Headrest- Teens of Denial (2016)