Peter

this is why I’m hot

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

I tried to be cute and use my forehead sweat instead of licking a manilla envelope and it’s structural integrity plummeted

[Gerhardt vd Merwe @realgerhardtvdm]

🇺🇸 MASSIVE NEWS:

Because the U.S. lost the war against Iran and surrendered, they now want to release files that Aliens are real.

DON'T GET FOOLED BY THESE PEOPLE EVERYTIME 😂🏳️

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

I’ve got a tiny bit of acne scars on my face but the moon, I feel real bad

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

If anyone has any sort of an ego towards their cornhole playing, you on a list

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

Apparently amputees really like murder

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

First half of your life is feeling like you’re the shit only to realize the world and everyone in it is the pants.

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

I’m too fucking handsome for this bullshit

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

I’ve been holding onto this for years. As a kid when you found out someone had a goldfish it was always a weird let down when it was the bulgy head or bulgy eyed ones.

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

Big hands are for big sandwiches

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

I’ve lived long enough to be the fun loving loud one only to become a major liability

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

Avalanches look lame from far away

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

All these girls talking about worried about being kidnapped but all their socials say follow me

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

When you call me at anytime it’s dinner time and I’m busy

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

When I have to explain to anyone how to do something in succession I don’t say boom boom boom I make high pitched whistly sounding pew pew gun noises

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

I’m tom waits for 10 min when I wake up

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

Is the blind Chinese guy still in Brooklyn? The famous one??? I like to think all the good china memes are from him

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

If a group of artists and engineers are talented enough to make a catchy tune especially if it transcends time; it deserves our respect.

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

I have never once in my life ever been “sick” of a song; to me, everyone who has experienced this phenomenon is truly sick.

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

Elf names and stripper names are the same

[Peter @smoothPARTS]

Daily wire presents live action Mr Popo series