It is an undeniable observable truth regarding the esteemed ladies and gentlemen of the Caucasian race, that they are singularly prone to conducting themselves in a manner most peculiar, and upon close and discerning observation of the social customs and peculiar habits characteristic of the fairer-skinned gentry of our era, one cannot help but remark with a sense of quiet astonishment upon their most distinct, predictable, and remarkably idiosyncratic behaviors: