Stephen Adkins @spadkins - Twitter Profile

spadkins retweeted

13 days ago

I have 6 kids now, so here is my advice to younger men: THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION YOU CAN EVER MAKE IN YOUR LIFE IS CHOOSING YOUR WIFE. Young men are often badly advised - or not advised at all - when it comes to marriage. We tell them they'll eventually “find love,” maybe in the strangest of places, marry whoever they fall in love with, and somehow everything will work itself out because that's what people do. I don't believe that's enough. One of the biggest mechanisms behind a man's success or failure is the person he chooses to build his life with. Love matters. Attraction matters. Chemistry matters. But alignment matters more over 30, 40 or 50 years. 1. Make sure she shares your core values. Faith, family, marriage, children, money, loyalty, responsibility, morality and how you see the world. You don't have to agree on everything, but you cannot build a strong house while pulling in opposite directions on the foundations. 2. Make sure she is resourceful and adds value to your life. I don't necessarily mean financially. A good wife should make the household stronger - through wisdom, discipline, problem-solving, encouragement, organisation, sacrifice, motherhood, work or whatever strengths she brings to the partnership. 3. Pay very close attention to her character when life becomes difficult. Anybody can be pleasant when the bills are paid and everything is going well. Watch how she handles pressure, disappointment, conflict, uncertainty and sacrifice. Marriage will eventually test both of you. 4. Choose someone who can grow with you. The person you are at 25 will not be the person you are at 35 or 45. Ambitions change. Responsibilities increase. Children arrive. Businesses fail. Careers change. People mature. You need someone capable of learning, adapting, forgiving and building through different seasons of life. 5. Make sure you can trust her when you're at your weakest. A wife will know things about you nobody else knows. Your fears. Your failures. Your weaknesses. Your finances. Your mistakes. Your dreams. Choose someone who protects the marriage rather than weaponising those vulnerabilities against you. Fundamentally, there has to be alignment. And younger men need to understand something else: You don't just choose a wife. You are potentially choosing the mother of your children, the culture of your household, the person beside you during financial hardship, sickness, success, failure, temptation, loss and every major decision for decades. That choice can either multiply everything you are trying to build - or slowly destroy it. I've lived a messy life for more than 10 years. I've made mistakes, gone off course, taken risks and had seasons where things certainly didn't look like they were going anywhere. My wife stayed. She stuck with me until I eventually pivoted back toward the centre and started rebuilding with greater clarity about what really matters. So if significant success comes my way in the years ahead, I already know where the credit goes. God first. And my wife standing beside me through the years when there wasn't much success to celebrate. Period.

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Stephen Adkins

@spadkins

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