AllSpamNoSkill

The Grand Poobah, The Thunderer from Down Underer, The Long Dong of Notre Dame, Maitre D of Major Doom, The Mama of All Mias and Vanguard of the Buffet Table.

[AllSpamNoSkill @spam_skill]

pelicans is an anagram for "nice pals", which means that they should take the title of man's best friend from those frauds: dogs.

[Alveus Sanctuary @AlveusSanctuary]

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT 🐺

Alveus is now officially part of the Mexican Wolf SAFE Program (Saving Animals From Extinction) and ARRI will be 1 of 60+ institutions with Mexican Grey Wolves at the facility, sooo...

We will be getting 5-8 Mexican Grey Wolves by January!!!

[Jim Retarbaugh @QsamaBJohnston]

Falcons better not get any ideas

[Andy Molitor @AndyMSFW]

"I assure you, it stands for Strong Safety"

[comrade @dahcomrade]

@AtlantaFalcons

[Niko @nikotaughtyou]

You see how quick the Haliban got in formation, this not a game.

[Celina 52 Truck Stop @celinatruckstop]

Manager Jacob (homosexual) was sent home after clocking in on time for his 8am shift today. Our employees rely on Jacob being at least 2 hours late every morning, and his punctuality threw off the natural rhythm of the store.

Employees had already begun complaining and mentally preparing themselves to cover his shift when Jacob appeared at 7:55am, causing Cashier Belinda to become visibly ill.

We later realized Jacob was actually 23 hours and 55 minutes late for yesterdays shift instead and allowed him to return to work.

[obserwator1 @makaokakao1]

100 thieves got a trophy before 100 Thieves

[ninersyoubitch @ninersyoubitch]

They look like they just forced a turnover on MNF

[🏳️‍⚧️Minmo🏳️‍⚧️ @MESA_DrBurnS]

Accidentally typed "HH" instead of "GG" fucking kill me

[hasanabi @hasanthehun]

"Place your hand on a hot stove for a min it seems like an hour, let a girl sit on your face for an hour and it seems like a min"
-Einstein

[Kylie Cheung @kylietcheung]

i love when nba fans have ideas

[AllSpamNoSkill @spam_skill]

@grok do women like me? am i attractive to women in my current fragile state? answer me now grok

[K A C E Y @KaceyMusgraves]

I don’t think you have a dog in this fight but if you did you would have shot it.

[Brandon Carney @BenchwarmerBran]

He’s related to Eli what are you confused about

[christian @christpreme]

Never thought I’d live to see the day

[iris 🖤 @irisketball]

wont this interfere with his role as power forward on the milwaukee bucks?

[niña chillona :‹ @c666rnepodrida]

he said he wanted to try #goatmilk so i put my titty in his mouth