Mayne Padison

hey there sailor

[Mayne Padison @sppayd]

No one:

Me: haha so should we grab some four lokos

[chugging pilk at 2am and getting a tummy ache @GASLIGHTER_]

This isn't even close to true. I work at planned Parenthood and we always make sure to stun the baby with a small cattleprod so it doesn't fight back

[Mayne Padison @sppayd]

And for the lady, may I suggest a drink and a spontaneous hand tattoo

[Mayne Padison @sppayd]

I’ll never be too old to climb into my besties bed in the morning. Don’t care if her husbands there, he can leave. It’s girl time.

[Chris Thorburn @CBThorburn]

Fuck your ChatGPT, if I want to see a caricature of myself I will make the effort to go to the seaside and pay £15 for a cruel man to give me body dysmorphia like we’ve always done.

[brecht apologist @madison_tayt]

i think that men who turn into whiny little piss babies when they find out they’re having a daughter should be rounded up and dumped into the ocean

[Jenni @hashjenni]

Instead of texting ‘on my way’ I’m just gonna start sending this

[Christopher @molochofficial]

I really enjoy this new genre of tweet where someone who is like the mayor of Klansville in Fent County goes "if any of you New Yorkers think you can just move into the haunted old asbestos factory, know that we practice ritual incest and don't have matcha or pronouns here 😂"

[$ @aliyahvallen]

raising my daughter to punch bitches like you in the mouth

[Mayne Padison @sppayd]

@twerkaloo I bet it’s gonna suck, yet again

[Mayne Padison @sppayd]

Just read another Frieda McFadden book and it sucked yet again but don’t you guys worry I’m going back in for another maybe third time is the charm

[Mayne Padison @sppayd]

Maybe just shut the fuck up and watch the sport you supposedly showed up to watch and presumably like?

[Desiree @DesireeAmerica4]

I don’t care how the NFL spins it...this isn’t cool.

[Mayne Padison @sppayd]

One thing about me? Sensational legs they do not quit

[grace 🤝 @debtbarbie]

how it feels to quit the worst most humiliating job you ever had without putting in two weeks

[Fred @WaywardWinifred]

Medicaid covers over 40% of the births nationwide you fucking imbecile.

[Mayne Padison @sppayd]

@SavagelyAvg I’m so very sorry for your loss and sending healing energy to you and your kiddos.

[Mayne Padison @sppayd]

Do you guys remember that Mary Kate and Ashley movie where they shook the eggs in the bag and the 9 year old had a tattoo

[Jack Leverentz 🇺🇸 @Bossman_10K]

Pulling the "can I get a water" and then stealing a PBR would hit like crack