Pasquale Michael

[Ethan Brooks @alt_w_v_g]

My 6 year old has been following the LA mayor's race

He had questions

Two weeks ago he said "daddy, the man from TV said the city spends $1 billion a year on homeless people"

I said "that's true"

He said "did it get better?"

I said "no"

He said "where did the money go?"

I said "a federal judge ordered an audit. The city couldn't account for over $2 billion"

My wife said "it's more complicated than that"

It isn't. That's what the audit said.

He said "the man from TV said one guy who was supposed to help got $23 million"

I said "also true"

He said "what did he buy?"

I said "a $7 million house and a Range Rover"

He said "what did the homeless people get?"

I said "ramen"

The analyst texted me unprompted

"Sir I read the indictment. The unit economics actually work. Just not for the homeless"

I said "do not share that"

He said "sir I already sent it to 9 people"

He said "daddy the man from TV said most of them need treatment, not more tents"

My wife said "that's an oversimplification"

I said "which part is wrong"

She didn't answer

Election night he came running downstairs

"Daddy he's winning. By 40,000 votes"

My wife said "well I guess a lot of people are upset"

They were. The mayor was in Ghana when the fires started.

By Friday the lead was 20,000

By Saturday it was 7,000

He said "daddy they're still counting"

I said "it's been four days"

He said "at school if you turn something in late you get a zero"

I said "California has different rules"

He said "why"

Nobody answered

By Sunday the man from TV was losing by 3,000

My son came downstairs and said "daddy what happened"

I said "the votes that showed up late all went the other way"

He said "all of them?"

I said "enough of them"

My daughter looked up from her cereal and said "I liked the man who said he'd clean up the parks"

She's 4

My wife was quiet

Last night my son asked "daddy, why do they keep counting until the person who was winning isn't winning anymore"

I didn't answer

He already knew

Sent from my iPhone

[John Ʌ Konrad V @johnkonrad]

Look, I get it, Dems.

You think buying Greenland is dumb.

You think trash-talking NATO is dumb.

You think Hegseth firing generals is dumb.

You think bombing Iran is dumb.

Fine. Maybe you’re right. Maybe you’re wrong. I’ll buy you a beer and we can argue about it.

But that’s not the point.

Every administration in American history has done dumb things.

Jefferson had an embargo that tanked his own economy.

LBJ had Vietnam.

Carter sold the Panama Canal for $1.

W. had “Mission Accomplished.”

Obama had…. where do I even begin?

Dumb is bipartisan. Dumb is American. Dumb is fine. DC runs on dumb decisions.

What NONE of them ever did, what is truly, mind-melting, pants-on-head, clown-car-fire, galaxy-brained, lead-paint-chip-eating, 50-IQ-Neanderthal-ripping-a-bong dumb, was pay NGOs by the busload to smuggle tens of millions of people, including actual convicted criminals, across a border we spent trillions pretending to defend, then hand them free four-star hotels, free cell phones, free ATM cards, and a court date in 2031 they were never going to show up for.

That is not a policy. That is a SNL cold open someone forgot to write a punchline for.

A five-year-old with a juice box could tell you that was Bozo-the-Clown-on-crack, Weekend-at-Bernie’s-running-DHS, “hold-my-beer-I’m-gonna-try-something” levels of stupid. My golden retriever could have run a tighter border. A Magic 8-Ball would have outperformed the entire Biden interagency.

That’s the new threshold, Democrats.
That’s the low-water mark. That’s the floor. That is the Mariana Trench of public policy and you personally rented the Titan submersible.

Argue all you want about the Strait of Hormuz. Write your op-eds. Go on cable TV with Tom Nichols. Clutch your pearls about Greenland.

But until Trump proposes something even half as mind-bendingly, bone-crushingly, civilization-forfeitingly brain-dead as what Biden and Kamala did with our borders, I genuinely do not care.

Zero F’s given by me.

[Rip Wheeler @WheelerRipWA]

TOP 10 REASONS TO VOTE DEMOCRAT

#10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my refrigerator.

#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn't.

#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

#6. I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that get police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.

#5. I vote Democrat because l'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.

#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.

#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

#1. I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay billions for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish here in America. We don't care about the beetles, gophers or fish in those other countries.

[Eric Trump @EricTrump]

🤣🤣

One of the great responses to a reporter in history!

JAPANESE REPORTER: Why didn't you tell Japan before the Iran war?

PRESIDENT TRUMP: "Why didn't you tell ME about PEARL HARBOR?!"

"You believe in surprise much more-so than US!"

[Count Dankula @CountDankulaTV]

The Afroman Trial.

-Cops raid Afromans house for bullshit reasons.
-Steal money, break his door, fuck his house up.
-No criminality found whatsoever, no charges at all pressed on Afroman.
-Afroman spends the next 3 years making songs that make fun of all the officers involved by name, even using footage of the raid from his own CCTV cameras.
-Songs had titles like "Randy Walters is a son of a bitch" and "Lick Em Low Lisa" accusing one of the officers of being a lesbian and sleeping with the other officers wives.
-During the raid one officer looked like he was about to eat some lemon pound cake sitting on Afromans counter, Afroman made a whole album calling the officer fat.
-The cops get mad and file a lawsuit for defamation.
-Afroman turns up to court in a whole American flag suit.
-Officers performatively mald and cry while listening to the songs really trying to oversell how badly the songs upset them.
-One officer was suing because Afroman made a whole song about him saying he was fucking the officers wife. When the officer was asked if Afroman was really fucking his wife, he said "I don't know". Nuking his own case and establishing that there is a non-zero chance that Afroman might actually be fucking his wife.
-As his only witness for the trial, Afroman brought a deputies EX FUCKING WIFE.
-The jury ruled completely in favour of Afroman.

This entire thing has been a great win for free speech and absolutely fucking hilarious.

[Ethan Brooks @alt_w_v_g]

Went to the doctor the other week

My wife made the appointment

She said I "look tired"

I said I am tired

She said "not normal tired. Weird tired."

I don't know what that means but I went anyway

Nice office

Fish tank in the lobby

Third one this year

Signed in at 1:48pm

My appointment was at 2:00pm

12 minutes early

Because I was raised to believe that matters

The receptionist said "the doctor is running a little behind"

I said "how far behind"

She said "about 45 minutes"

I said "so my 2:00 appointment is actually a 2:45 appointment"

She said "we appreciate your patience"

I said "I haven't shown any yet"

My wife grabbed my arm

There was a sign behind the desk

"Missed appointments without 24-hour notice will incur a $75 fee"

The doctor was 45 minutes late

Nobody offered me $75

We sat down

CNN was playing on mute with subtitles

Running a segment about New York City redesigning its trash cans

Cost the city $4 million

I looked at my wife

She said "don't start"

Seven magazines on the table

All from 2019

I read an article about supply chain disruptions that have since been resolved

Very informative

My wife was on her phone

She looked up and said "WebMD says you might be dehydrated"

I said "so we're paying $1,800 for a second opinion on WebMD"

She went back to her phone

At 2:54pm they called my name

A nurse walked me to a room

Took my blood pressure

Took my temperature

Typed for three minutes

Then said "the doctor will be right in"

I sat on the paper

The paper ripped immediately

I looked at the wall

There was a diagram of a colon

Not how I planned to spend my Tuesday

3:19pm

The doctor walked in

1 hour and 19 minutes after my scheduled appointment

He was looking at his phone

Shook my hand without making eye contact

Sat down and read my chart for about 30 seconds

While I sat there watching him learn who I was

He said "so what brings you in today"

I said "my wife thinks I look weird tired"

He said "what does that mean"

I said "I was hoping you'd tell me"

He said "when's the last time you had bloodwork done"

I said "2019 maybe"

He said "we should run a full panel"

I said "fine"

He asked if I was sleeping well

I said "I have three kids and a golden retriever who thinks 3am is a reasonable time to need outside"

He said "are you drinking enough water"

I said "probably not"

He said "that might be it"

I said "you think the reason I look weird tired is because I don't drink enough water"

He said "dehydration is more common than people think"

I said "I've been here over an hour and sat on a piece of paper that ripped to be told to drink water"

He said "we'll know more when the bloodwork comes back"

I said "when will that be"

He said "3 to 5 business days"

I said "business days"

He said "yes"

I said "my blood has business days"

He didn't respond

Then he said "any other concerns"

I said "several. But none you can bill for."

He shook my hand again

Still no eye contact

Total face time with the doctor: 6 minutes

Total time in the building: 1 hour and 37 minutes

I was examined for approximately 6% of the time I was present

I've fired people for better numbers than that

My wife was in the waiting room

She asked how it went

I said "I need to drink water"

She said "I told you that last week"

I said "yes but now it's a medical opinion so it costs $1,800"

She didn't laugh

In the car she said "at least now you know you're fine"

I said "I was fine when I walked in. I just didn't have the receipt to prove it."

She didn't disagree

The bloodwork came back four business days later

Everything was normal

The doctor's office sent a message through their portal

It said "results look great. Continue to stay hydrated and follow up in 12 months."

Follow up in 12 months

To be told to drink water again

$1,800

1 hour and 37 minutes

6 minutes of face time

One ripped piece of paper

And the same advice my wife gave me for free

Plz fix. Thx.

Sent from my iPhone

[Ethan Brooks @alt_w_v_g]

Update: Wednesday

The department-wide meeting

I was not invited

I went anyway

8am

Walked in

Legal pad in hand

The room was full

Not just HR

Not just finance

The entire floor

Someone from marketing was there

She had "Identified Adjective: Creative" in her email signature

I've never met her

HR stood at the front

PowerPoint on the screen

Slide one: "Email Signature Policy: Clarification & Compliance"

I sat in the front row

HR looked at me

I opened my legal pad

She began

"Effective immediately, the email signature policy will require identified pronouns only. Adjectives are not included."

I raised my hand

She said "we're not taking questions yet"

I said "it's not a question. It's a point of order. The current policy says 'identified.' It does not specify a part of speech. You're changing the policy, not clarifying it."

Legal was in the back of the room

He nodded

Again

HR said "we've updated the language"

I said "when"

She said "this morning"

I said "so the policy I complied with yesterday is no longer the policy today"

She said "correct"

I said "and I'm the one being non-compliant"

The room was quiet

The controller raised his hand

He said "so do I remove 'Tired' or not"

Someone in the back laughed

HR did not laugh

The analyst was standing in the doorway

I didn't invite him

He came anyway

He was holding a legal pad

I looked at him

He looked at me

I didn't say anything

But I noted it

HR said "going forward, signatures will include name, title, and identified pronouns. Nothing else."

I said "I'll comply with the new policy"

She looked surprised

I said "effective today. As written. Until someone changes it again."

My boss said "I think that's fair"

HR closed the PowerPoint

Meeting adjourned in 14 minutes

I walked out

The analyst followed me

He said "so the adjectives are gone?"

I said "from the signature, yes"

He said "that's it?"

I said "the policy changed. So I'll change."

He looked confused

I said "but the policy didn't say anything about the out-of-office auto-reply"

He stared at me

I stared back

He smiled

First time I've ever seen that kid smile at work

I think he just earned his first adjective

Updated my out-of-office to:

Thank you for your email. I am currently unavailable.

Best,
Ethan Brooks
Identified Adjectives: Smart / Handsome
Identified Chromosomes: XY

For urgent matters, please contact HR. They love hearing from people.

Sent from my iPhone

[Pasquale Michael @squale_d]

@LobosFFDen Full PPR, need 2 for flex. Monangai, Hampton, Rodriguez, or Troy Franklin

[Pasquale Michael @squale_d]

@FantasyPros Rico Dowdle or Bam Knight?

[Pasquale Michael @squale_d]

@austinabbott Bam Knight or Rico Dowdle?

[Pasquale Michael @squale_d]

@NFL_Convo Bam Knight or Rico Dowdle?

[Pasquale Michael @squale_d]

@CaesarsSports

[Pasquale Michael @squale_d]

@JoeBiden

[The Redheaded libertarian @TRHLofficial]

If only we’d given the Paris Climate Accord more money, then the globalist bureaucracy could have stopped Mt. Etna from releasing 10% of the world’s carbon into the atmosphere just now.

[Gunther Eagleman™ @GuntherEagleman]

This is clear evidence of a sitting Congresswoman ASSAULTING federal law enforcement officers.

@SpeakerJohnson needs to expel her NOW!

This CANNOT BE TOLERATED!

[ALX 🇺🇸 @alx]

Many were charged severely for much less on January 6th.

[Meghan McCain @MeghanMcCain]

When I say that I would never send my children to my Alma mater, I mean NEVER.

It’s nothing but a freak show, garbage pit now.

[Natalie Brunell ⚡️ @natbrunell]

Housing in 1975 vs. Today – The Brutal Truth

🏡 1975:
•Median home price: $39,500
•Median income: $11,800/yr (~$983/mo)
•30-yr mortgage at 9% → $254/mo (26% of income)
•Total interest paid: $57,500

🏡 Today:
•Median home price: $400K
•Median income: $75K/yr (~$6,250/mo)
•30-yr mortgage at 7% → $2,129/mo (34% of income)
•Total interest paid: $446K

Home prices up 10x, incomes up 6x—yet monthly payments are 8x higher. The system is designed to steal your time & purchasing power.

Bitcoin is the exit. #HousingAffordabilityCrisis #Bitcoin

[Eric Daugherty @EricLDaugh]

Not a single pro-Ukraine dolt here on X with a 🇺🇦 in their bio would ever sign up to fight in the war.

Not. A. Single. One.