Cephalopod Bottom

America's Favorite Mollusk Rump

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

Whoops I butt dialed you. My butt professed its love to you via text.Oops my butt wrote you a beautiful sonnet.Oh dear my butt just proposed

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

A CBT Mean Girls parody porn featuring femdom Stretchin Weiners

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

More like "I am become death, destroyer of WORDS"! Because of the sentence structure. Right?

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

Break Church. FAST! (9 am)

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

Baby poked me right in my corporeal chest and said "shadow!"
Granted she did just learn about shadows this week, but what if she knows something I don't?

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

Bup Stop

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

My cat sneezes one time and now my baby fake sneezes every time she sees her. Freakin Grinked her ass

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

If I had a time machine the first thing I'd do is go to 2011 and tweet "Oral-B The BrushedGod"

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

Once again trying to figure out what the best song is and if it is Fast Car

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

I'm a ibuprofen guy all the way. "Acetaminophen"? Yeah "I see da medicine", it's right there in the bottle labeled "Ibuprofen"

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

Who needs they peaussy ate

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

@bogcandy Hey that sounds cool

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

@doTheHugs69 None of my business

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

Imagine: an alternate universe where Go-Gurt is called Squirt-Gurt

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

Is it a coincidence that both of those are sequels? I'm thinking: probably

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

We all know Tim Curry has a palpable sexual energy in every role. While in most (Rocky Horror, IT, Muppet Treasure Island, FernGully, Pebble and the Penguin) he is a top, in Home Alone 2 and Scary Movie 2 he is undeniably a bottom. That's what we in the biz call "range"

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

Me 1/4 of the way through reading an Elon tweet explaining a dumb new Twitter feature when the timeline does the partial refresh thing and the tweet disappears forever is a bit on the nose

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

If I were a Wright Brother I would've made so many Pretty Fly For a Wright Guy jokes. Are you freaking kidding me??

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

The Tesla truck won't see your tweets making fun of it. Just like it won't see all those pedestrians while on autopilot

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

In 2023, my New Thing will be exclaiming "oh man this movie has (actor name) in it? Big get!" for very well known movies. Think like Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump

[Cephalopod Bottom @squid_butt69]

*Us, laying on the mattress, tumbling to sleep, our eyes aligned, swaddled in our civies, cradled in our dungarees as our rifles blaze away* Nah bro, I call of my brothers in arms “my bombazine doll”