Mr Don Puppet

Oh, I'll never get it right. Statistics in particular.

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@PaladinRood This isn’t a real market. This is just a site that takes bets over really stupid things. Let their goons uncover the manipulators.

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@daveweigel No matter how dumb it gets, it can always get dumber

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@allahliker Interested? Well, it’s complicated …

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@allahliker The question answers itself

[Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz]

I used to hate waiters until I realized they’re not just being nosy. They need to know what I want to eat so they can relay it to the kitchen staff

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@WebMD Uh, no boss, I didn’t lose the mice, I just made them invisible. With Dorito dust. [mouse scurries across floor] Temporarily.

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@clhubes You can’t describe Minions without sounding like a 4 year old: “and then a bear chased them, and then they all went to Antarctica, and then they had a dance party with the queen of England, and then Kevin got really really big …”

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@WebMD Studies also show that judgmental medical social media accounts are super boring and are no fun at parties

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@oneunderscore__ Yes, we all read it several thousand times per day.

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@MattGertz I’ve rationalized that this is what the American people want, so if the kid that plays Young Sheldon takes the lead at DHHS, who am I to judge?

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@WebMD Turns out you die either way

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@joshgondelman Easy, just do a collab remix of Calling All the Monsters by China Anne McClain, throw in some new lines about just rememberin monsters.

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@ericgeller Ah, well, I’m sure they are embarrassed!

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

It’s ok, sometimes we all fall into a decade long pit of despair with no clear way out other than the sweet release of death. At least everyone is making a lot of money here.

[Carolina Panthers @Panthers]

Final.

@Ticketmaster | #KeepPounding

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@DGlaucomflecken @ASA_Australia No matter how deadly an animal seems, there is always a worse one right around the corner

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@ChristnNitemare Didn’t they also say this nonstop about Obama? And Biden? And yet there they are, still on stage pissing themselves, not in a gulag. What failures. They aren’t important enough to get thrown into a gulag.

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@emilykmay My dad was an SBC pastor, so there was really no escaping this perspective for me until I went to college

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@mags_mclaugh I’m not going to look it up but I think he voiced Marlin in Finding Nemo

[Mr Don Puppet @statsdeac]

@Very__Regular Spaghetti, thin spaghetti, and angel hair