Stephanie Slocum

I like comedy and sand art.

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

@KelloggCompany @CripsyTreats on @Delta flights is the collab of my DREAMS.

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

A horse walking down a hill of wildflowers while Karen Carpenter sings is a movie scene that writes itself.

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

Does everyone else hate people who have mini trash cans in their cars? Or…

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

On my 17th hour of air travel today with 3 more hours to go. I’m fine. #imnotfine #cryforhelp

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

@lyft can someone please help me?? I’ve emailed 4 times over the last 10 hours with no response. I left my phone in my ride this morning and I’ve watched it sit in Glendale for the last 10 hours. PLEASE HELP. I’m flying out in the morning! I’ll have to call a cab?!

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

“You mean, like how I’m reenacting this whole episode of @SteveWilkosTV ??”

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

“I TAKE YOU TO SPAGO! …and if there’s a cobweb in there, it’s MY FAULT?!”

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

“Now here’s what I loved about their (Arby’s) commercial…” -my dad

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

As SHRIMP??

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

“You want me to Google shrimp are cockroaches?!?”

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

No! Lobsters are the same!

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

“who WOULD like @cucharachas??? Ewwww!”

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

“Awwww shit! $6.70 just hit my rakuten account…” is something an old person would say.

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

Dear people who make documentaries - STOP putting animated cartoons of stuff you don’t have footage of in your documentaries! TIA.

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

Any tiktok that starts with “this fried rice recipe will make you never want take out again” is WRONG. @Benihana

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

I mean, I didn’t sell my shares to sauvy b. I still got 51% #johnmayer #statefarmarena

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

THIS IS LIKE EVERYTHING I WOULDVE SAID I WANTED, BUT NOW THAT IVE GOT IT I DONT WANT IT. #Oscars

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

“He’s probably the hottest guy named ‘Kevin’” #Oscars #kevincostner

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

“That’s why you move out of your home town. Cause then ‘Ma’-stuff happens.”

[Stephanie Slocum @stephsloke]

FUCK. I’m 5 for 5 on which couples would get married. #LoveIsBlind #savant @ValdostaMiss