Diane Mac

Sorry I had a fight in the middle of your Black Panther party

[Edward Manuszak, PhD @ManuszakEdward]

Super Individual High School Senior Meetings today with Hunter, Harley, and Hayden! TY for taking the time to meet with me! Be safe and good luck the rest of the year! #rowlikevikings

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

Starting a twitter feud with @chrissyteigen is like trying to fight a hurricane with a sharpie.

[Anderson Cooper 360° @AC360]

You said "what punishment of gods are not gifts. Do you really believe that?" @andersoncooper, choking back tears, asks Stephen Colbert, as they discuss grief.

"Yes," replies the comedian. "It's a gift to exist and with existence comes suffering. There's no escaping that."

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

I have lost control of the situation.

[Brother Ben @SentenceReduced]

As long as you yell "DODGEBALL" you can throw anything at anyone at anytime.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Fuck half of you.

[mo @chuuew]

I'm worried about my friend who's suffering from paranoia. I'm going to follow them around to make sure they don't get into trouble.

[martha dumptruck 🚚🥤 @sa1martha]

After 2 days of dieting, I'm pleased to announce that I've decided to remain fat.

[ghost mom @radtoria]

I wish Old Spice catered to women. Tired of smelling like baby powder & gentle breezes. I wanna walk into a room & have everyone look up & be like, “oh shit, this bitch smells like fuckin Eagle Fangs & she is not to be trifled with.” Can’t command respect smelling like a diaper.

[Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna]

I do not know what Coachella is, but I hope they find a cure soon.

[The B. @anerdonfire2]

What the fuck did you just say about Mr Rogers?!

[Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4]

Told my kids we needed to do some Spring cleaning & then we continued to watch Netflix & decided moving would be easier.

[Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4]

My husband & dog were snoring in unison this morning & I learned that maybe I am a murderous person.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

On this day in 1865 the Civil War ended.

Many people seem to have not been notified of this.

[Stone @StoneAgeRadio13]

Jesus died for your peanut butter eggs. Show some goddamned respect.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

The idea that you evolved from apes is disgusting.

Isn't it nicer to believe you all descended from one couple and their incestuous children?

[Sarah Beattie @nachosarah]

I’ll pay someone $400 to jerk off in this guy’s food

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Artificial intelligence isn't a threat to humanity. Natural stupidity is.

[Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson]

The Universe is blind to our sorrows and indifferent to our pains.

Have a nice day!