Divorced Shining Armor

Former Captain of the Canterlot Royal Guard and Prince of the Crystal Empire. There is still time. (DOUBLES WELCOME!)

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

Shining Armor, former Captain of the Royal Guard and current leader of the Crystal Empire.

Age: Late thirties.

Occupation: Prince.

Likes: Ogres & Oubliettes, Coffee, the occasional hayburger and corndog.

Dislikes: Heights and the dark.

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

@andp0nytails Uh… well, at least you can replace it with a gold tooth when you’re older?

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

@sunisbursting Hah, if only that were true… But hey, I appreciate what you already do.

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

I’m so tempted to just disappear. Dating’s a flop, the Crystal ponies are starting to annoy me, and Flurry.. I ADORE her, but she’s such a hassle to deal with alone. (Well, almost alone. I’ve had some amazing creatures help me!) I wish I could just stop thinking and work forever.

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

@Apploosajack That’s becoming REALLY tempting, Applejack.

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

Ugh… dating is IMPOSSIBLE when you’re trying to avoid ponies who only want you for your title.

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

@SpikeDragon2010 I MISS CADDY SO MUCH

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

@sunisbursting Legally, Cadance and I are still together because she needs help ruling the Crystal Empire, but… we’re not actually together anymore.

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

@KirinChatMORE Y’know, I was Captain of the Canterlot Royal guard, I’m a Prince. I’m considered pretty important.. and a lot of ponies try to use getting in a relationship with me as a way to make them important too.

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

@PARTYPlNKIE // Monkey Paw curls, Weird Al voices Applejack

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

With all this drama happening, I just want to say that I have anxiety so if anypony gets mad at me, to let me know immediately so I can backflip off the castle. Okay? Cool.

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

@canterlotprince I mean… it’s hard, but I don’t even drink. Last time I did, I jumped off a balcony to see if I could fly. Besides, isn’t cocaine like… super addictive?

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

@KirinChatMORE YES! Yes, thank you so much… I was looking everywhere for her. How’d you find her? I’m so glad she’s alright!

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

I’m actually the worst father ever oh my Celestia,, No wonder why I’m divorced I need to be EXECUTED. Wait I’m the prince do I execute myself? No, can’t. That’s cringe. BUUUUCK she could be ANYWHERE. I SHOULD HAVE LET THE CHILD OR ONE OF THE THREE COWPONIES BABYSIT HER

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

@KirinChatMORE YEAH I’M FINE. IM SOOOO GOOD. Just- just BUSY. Searching for my DAUGHTER. Who has WINGS.

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

SO, GOOD NEWS! I SLEPT BECAUSE J PASSED OUT. BAD NEWS, LOST MY BABAU. IF ANYPOMY SEES A SMALL PINK THING FLYING AROUNDA OR BLOWING UP BUILDINGS, LEMME KNOW!!!

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

@BraeburnMLP No offense, but didn’t you lose three fillies while there was a criminal running around your town?

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

is uH, is anypony willing to babysit flurry? i can’t kEep taking her with me while i’m working. also, i Like the idea of sleePing.

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

@BraeburnMLP I BUCKING LOVE A GOOD HAT and that one’s gotta be a solid 8.5, maybe a 9!

[Divorced Shining Armor @Stressed_Papa]

@canterlotprince Being rude about his cousin probably isn’t helping you…