Sarah Bailey

What your dad wishes The Little Mermaid looked like. Featured Comedy Act at Exxxotica 2021 🧜🏻‍♀️

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

We hired a little person at the club and I'm only 8in taller than her 🖤💕

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

I was wondering why I never experienced "wedding season". It's because most of my friends are standup comics and who the fuck wants to marry us 😅

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

Ever had a guy answer business emails while they're inside of you... Just me?

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

Can't wait for tax returns to hit! Then I'll be able to cross "I can take you out of all this" off my Strip Club Bingo card.

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

When your ex shows up @ the club and tries to get a dance 😅

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

Grateful they don't play Christmas music @ the club... Imagine having to twerk to @MariahCarey's All I Want For Christmas Is You 🎄🎁💋

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

Gonna be 27 next Wednesday... This means I'm officially a middle-age stripper 👠✨

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

Did y'all ghost your therapist today or are you normal?

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

OnlyFans, but it's just me eating food in lingerie. Call it OnlyFoods 🤔

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

Stop calling short girls "Fun Size". It's creepy & unoriginal. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

@WannaBeReece

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

Might get my shit together. Might bring home a boy with face tattoos for Thanksgiving dinner 🤌🏻💋

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

I hate when dudes are quiet in bed. We’re fucking, not on an episode of Silent Library 🙄😒

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

Compatibility test: Go to IKEA together & buy a bed frame. If you wind up fucking & not fighting after putting it together, get married. @IKEAUSA

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

Just got diagnosed with asthma. None of you can “take my breath away”. I did it to myself.

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

Fact: Bad bitches have dirty rooms & cars

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

Finally at the age where if a guy fucks me over I can just start dating his dad… I’ll see you at Thanksgiving, Tyler 💋

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

I’ve come to the realization that standup comedy is the abusive boyfriend I can’t break up with 🎤💋 #butdaddyilovehim

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

Sometimes I wish I could sage my pussy from all the fuckboys I’ve slept with 😬

[Sarah Bailey @strippercomic]

She’s a 10, but leaves her Halloween decor up year-round, so she’s a 20 👻