Parody Stuart Andrew

Not quite the real thing... No longer whipping 🗣 Or showing off my helmet👷🏻‍♂️Or promoting inJustice ⚖️ Just playing Sports now 🏏

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

Funny story earlier in the Cabinet Room. I had to quietly explain the concept of rules to Boris. Almost had to ask J-Mogg to translate into Latin.

Didn't half ruffle my blue shiny suit, so it did.

[BBC News (UK) @BBCNews]

Boris Johnson: I broke no rules over Christmas parties https://t.co/ZDB8f9kqqQ

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

Rishi, Rishi, Rishi 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻

If Dodgy Dave and Jimmy Dimly can get a broken deckchair, then surely I can secure a lifeline... for Pudsey, for summer galas, for Guiseley lights?

#CabinetReshuffle
#LordDaveOfPorkScatchings

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

BREAKING WIND:

ME:
Drinking a crisp Australian chardonnay while watching the footy in Sydney*

PUDSEY:
Suffering from #ToryBrokenBritain

*no kangaroo testicles on the menu later

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

Unsure if this is now government policy? Well, after Big Dog and his promiscuous ways... 🐕💞👶🏼

#ToryBrokenBritain

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

BREAKING WIND:
Tory implosion at triple by-election results.

ME:
Smiling today at my regular photo-opps, defending the outcome by saying the electorate are mostly stupid oiks.

#ToryGaslighting

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

Another day, one more BORING constituent enquiry.

The Illegal Migration Bill is being robustly defended by Bobby Generic in the HoC.

I've been asked for my view? Get rid. But for the record, I've offered full use of the Leeds' navy in temporarily housing asylum seekers.

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

Richy knows things are difficult <snigger>
As do I <double snigger>

You've just got to hold your nerve. Simples.

Tune in later for the full inflation cutting strategy on UnicornFM 🦄

#StrongAndStable
#ToryGaslighting

[Rishi Sunak @RishiSunak]

Join me later today for a live update on my plans to halve inflation and continue to support you with the cost of living.

Here’s what you need to know before then🧵

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

I've been asked why I didn't vote this week at HoC.

As a minister, I'm very busy. For example, yesterday, I attended @leedslibraries exhibition, ‘For King, Country and Home’.

Mainly to explain why the Tory Party has repeatedly insulted the #Windrush generation.

#ToryBritain

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

@ScottBentonMP A constituent recently suggested we should cease illegal behaviour in No.10 to free up police resources - thoughts?

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

@Richardhold @StuartAndrew But.
When will I be famous?

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

@Richardhold @StuartAndrew ...I owe you nothing, nothing at all.

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

@Twoandfifty2 But I lie to my constituents every day. Lots of little white ones. It's all for your own benefit #ungrateful

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

@Rootveg As a Tory I'm so inept that it would end up spelling HOWARD!

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

@robpatrick @StuartAndrew Unfortunately I had an urgent matter to resolve - an electrical wiring issue related to the Guiseley lights. Do you recognise that the switch on is less than 6 months away 💡

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

Morning Pudsey plebs!

Thought I'd get ahead of the curve. Two things:

1. Richy is correctly saying at the time Gov wanted the inquiry to kick the can down the road, but it's now a HoC matter 🤔

2. Yes, I'll be voting to approve the report - no honours recognition, Boris 🖕🏻

[Good Morning Britain @GMB]

Rishi Sunak refuses to say if he will approve Partygate inquiry report.

@GMB exclusively interviewed the Prime Minister last night. @LouisaJamesITV has more.

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

Nothing. NOTHING! Can compare to the big turn on - not even that jumper.

Or the brown buffet 🥖🧀🫓 🥧🍢

Gutted not to be recognised for my illuminating contribution during the BoJo years 😞

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

Correction: 3. An election winner

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

Morning Pudsey plebs!

I've been inundated with constituency calls. Such inconveniences get in the way of my daily photo-opps.

I need to clarify a few points why I support Boris.

1. He's awesome
2. Such energy
3. An erection sinner
4. Got Brexit Done

#BorisTheLiar

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

@canviseffects

[Parody Stuart Andrew @stuartandrew_mp]

Morning Pudsey Oiks!

I'm back. Just been incredibly busy at events of late, where I've been photographed with [insert celebratory]. Great times!

Anything happening today, let me know?

#BigDogPutToSleep
#BorisTheLiar