Not quite the real thing... No longer whipping π£ Or showing off my helmetπ·π»ββοΈOr promoting inJustice βοΈ Just playing Sports now π
Funny story earlier in the Cabinet Room. I had to quietly explain the concept of rules to Boris. Almost had to ask J-Mogg to translate into Latin.
Didn't half ruffle my blue shiny suit, so it did.
Rishi, Rishi, Rishi ππ»ππ»ππ»
If Dodgy Dave and Jimmy Dimly can get a broken deckchair, then surely I can secure a lifeline... for Pudsey, for summer galas, for Guiseley lights?
#CabinetReshuffle#LordDaveOfPorkScatchings
BREAKING WIND:
ME:
Drinking a crisp Australian chardonnay while watching the footy in Sydney*
PUDSEY:
Suffering from #ToryBrokenBritain
*no kangaroo testicles on the menu later
BREAKING WIND:
Tory implosion at triple by-election results.
ME:
Smiling today at my regular photo-opps, defending the outcome by saying the electorate are mostly stupid oiks.
#ToryGaslighting
Another day, one more BORING constituent enquiry.
The Illegal Migration Bill is being robustly defended by Bobby Generic in the HoC.
I've been asked for my view? Get rid. But for the record, I've offered full use of the Leeds' navy in temporarily housing asylum seekers.
Richy knows things are difficult <snigger>
As do I <double snigger>
You've just got to hold your nerve. Simples.
Tune in later for the full inflation cutting strategy on UnicornFM π¦
#StrongAndStable#ToryGaslighting
Join me later today for a live update on my plans to halve inflation and continue to support you with the cost of living.
Hereβs what you need to know before thenπ§΅
I've been asked why I didn't vote this week at HoC.
As a minister, I'm very busy. For example, yesterday, I attended @leedslibraries exhibition, βFor King, Country and Homeβ.
Mainly to explain why the Tory Party has repeatedly insulted the #Windrush generation.
#ToryBritain
@robpatrick@StuartAndrew Unfortunately I had an urgent matter to resolve - an electrical wiring issue related to the Guiseley lights. Do you recognise that the switch on is less than 6 months away π‘
Morning Pudsey plebs!
Thought I'd get ahead of the curve. Two things:
1. Richy is correctly saying at the time Gov wanted the inquiry to kick the can down the road, but it's now a HoC matter π€
2. Yes, I'll be voting to approve the report - no honours recognition, Boris ππ»
Rishi Sunak refuses to say if he will approve Partygate inquiry report.
@GMB exclusively interviewed the Prime Minister last night. @LouisaJamesITV has more.
Nothing. NOTHING! Can compare to the big turn on - not even that jumper.
Or the brown buffet π₯π§π« π₯§π’
Gutted not to be recognised for my illuminating contribution during the BoJo years π
Morning Pudsey plebs!
I've been inundated with constituency calls. Such inconveniences get in the way of my daily photo-opps.
I need to clarify a few points why I support Boris.
1. He's awesome
2. Such energy
3. An erection sinner
4. Got Brexit Done
#BorisTheLiar
Morning Pudsey Oiks!
I'm back. Just been incredibly busy at events of late, where I've been photographed with [insert celebratory]. Great times!
Anything happening today, let me know?
#BigDogPutToSleep#BorisTheLiar